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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random |
#113837 (80/168) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Chelsea: ...why do I always check Yahoo's bulk folder when I know that almost nothing goes in there that I'd actually want?
William: dunno
Chelsea: I've been getting an unusual amount(read:two per day) of spam mail that doesn't get redirected there lately, though.
William: Well, the spammers change their tactics every so often
Chelsea: Yeah
Chelsea: Their "try to sell Viagra to a female" tactic hasn't changed, though :p |
#4202 (132/266) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<kr0ss> some idiot on the radio said dildos are banned in alabama
<X-Spectre> dildos proably were banned like a hundred years ago with some dumb law and they haven't changed it yet
<CiXeL> cant ban broomstick handles |
#11386 (41/255) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[00:45] [@{Defenderz}] WTF THE FUCK? |
#307591 (101/147) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sloofus> I like to sit on campus and repeatedly boot up irssi when people walk by so it looks like im doing some wicked hax n shit |
#138416 (284/464) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lena> My mama taught me how to dance
<Lena> said if you can shake your ass right, guys will know what you're like in bed
<Lena> my mom is such a whore
<Lena> especially when she said all casually "Mija...have you ever had sex on a piano?" her voice is really thick with a spanish accent and I'm like "MAMA NO!" she goes "Good, dont, cause it's noisy"
<Lena> I just looked at her in disbelief
<Lena> and THEN!
<Lena> one time she says "Mija, I dont want you sleeping with every tom dick and harry, maybe every tom and dick but not ever harry" |
#30303 (148/344) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dekkon> the meaning of life is as follows:
<Dekkon> "up up down down left right left right B A select start" |
#1354 (205/364) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Brentai> I have Q3, but I like playing it about as much as I like trying to suck my own wang.
<Brentai> i.e. it's painful and futile, but once and a while I try to do it just to prove that I can. And I can't. |
#2266 (79/301) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dregan> 3y3 4m l33t h4x0r
<Dregan> j0! 3y3 4m t4lking to j00!
<Dregan> fux0red 5cr1pt k1dd13.
<Dregan> -"l33t h41ku" |
#766 (159/345) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ckx> i'd love to become a hit man
<ckx> not because i like killing people
<ckx> just for the nice suits
<ikkenai> and the bitches |
#20062 (11/318) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(note! i know the last one i sent you guys was just a copy of what you already had but this one is halarious)
<draito5> 35
<35man> yeah?
<draito5> last night i she dumped me
<draito5> SHE DUMPED ME MAN!!
<35man> Who? Claire?!
<draito5> yea
<35man> Hey listen, I'm really sorry about that, how you holding up?
<draito5> not good bro i nearly killed myself
<35man> awww come on, it can't be that bad.
<draito5> no seriously!!! i was sitting in the bathroom and i
took my razorblade and i was just shaving when i thought, whats the use
and then i seriously started thinking about it
<35man> wow. holy shit. did you end up doin it? |
#55926 (159/291) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<eTombotron> i mean, i hope you realize what's going on here.
<SquidDNA> what's going on here, eTom?
<eTombotron> i'm not sure. |
#50585 (242/448) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Joey-X> so im talking to my friend whose hanging out at my place for a joint homework effort and we start making bets on who will do what, like, I bet you 2 bucks you wont drink that expired milk or I bet you 3 bucks you wont go out on the fire escape and yell "WHITE POWER" or something
<Joey-X> and she bets me I wont show her my wang
<Phaser> WHITE POWER
<Joey-X> indeed, but anyway so I pull down my pants and this is the fuckin funniest thing..I wasnt hard yet and she grabs it(this is where I should remind you im not circumsized) and pulls the skin back and - no fucking joke - says 'it looks like a hydralisk'Comment: #quahog
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#14366 (154/312) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<^_-> oftentimes i'll be looking at porn and feel the urge for movies
<^_-> so i'll go on random filesharing programs and start downloading some
<^_-> but by the time i orgasm the movies still aren't done
<^_-> and i delete all of the movies.
<Funk> That happens to me too
<Funk> You want to know what's worse?
<Funk> I have a 2Meg/sec LAN connection. |
#6798 (40/249) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bos> whats that goatse website again ? I need it |
#2496 (220/376) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Carisear> Ever since i put the "Tires by Firestone" bumper sticker on my car, no one seems to tailgate me anymore. |
#12290 (206/399) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DMA57361> my sister has a theory about ppl called dave . . .
<DMA57361> every company everywhere has a least 1 person called "Dave"
<DMA57361> phone up a random company, ask for "Dave" and there will be one |
#29423 (127/311) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pencap> HEY LOOK A DIVERSION
* Parts: pencap (~pencapche@12-229-68-133.client.attbi.com) |
#23983 (171/325) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Hippo> i'd be the worst jesus ever, i'd be constantly drunk if i could turn water into wine |
#84532 (317/527) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Nightripper> Ah, airport security. After 9/11, things got hectic. My way is simple, direct, and effective.
<mcfuzzhead> what's your way?
<Nightripper> "Weapons are mandatory."
<Nightripper> Don't hijack this plane, no sir. Granny's packing a machete!
<Nightripper> "Sir, you didn't set off the metal detector. I'm gonna have to ask that you take this pistol with you." |
#11278 (3/283) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<VinnyD> wow is it possible to become gay from watching an episode of sanford and sons? |
#6711 (149/321) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Racked recalls the past: my teacher said, "I have a 10-foot snake here"....to which I replied, "oh no you don't....snakes don't have feet!"
* GPF recalls saying something like that to a teacher and getting detention |
#10165 (91/287) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
BeHeMoTh101 : dude, this one time in school i was looking at this advertisement to a christian club
BeHeMoTh101 : and on the poster it said "who carries your load? jesus does."
BeHeMoTh101 : and i was like, wtf it's the scrotum |
#28318 (74/250) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<spiregrain> the worst thing about irc is that delay between finding the server, and getting logged in. Why does it happen? What can I do?
<spiregrain> the second worst thing is dumb questions like the above |
#296552 (279/399) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Pryoidain> OH WHAT THE HELL
<@Pryoidain> I open up the server computer to do a hot swap
<@Pryoidain> theres a jar of fucking peanuts in there
<@Pryoidain> I've been looking for that jar for 3 days
<@Minako> XD
<@Pryoidain> I finally went out and bought another one
<@Pryoidain> now I find it
<@Minako> Why'd you put it in there. XD
<@Pryoidain> I snack on peanuts while I work. sometimes its just easier to have the peanuts IN the actual work area.
<@Pryoidain> although that habit has created for some interesting conversations with clients after I do server repairs
<@Pryoidain> "Uh yes, you repaired our server a few months back...and ever since then, the entire room has smelled like peanuts..." "err...oh...whoops" |
#3201 (131/269) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Waldo> tool, are you retarded or just an idiot? i need to know if i should just hate you or pity you as well.
<Tool> i think you should hate me
<Waldo> that's a given
<Waldo> i need to know if i should pity you as well. |
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