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#235178 (749/845) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
(Bubbles) diabetes...anemia...depression...alzheimers...is there any shitty disease I'm not going to be predisposed to?
(Alex) well
(Alex) STDs |
#143212 (799/903) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<AllAgesDave> There are two seniors in here reading a copy of A Catcher in the Rye, and debating the meaning of the word "illiterate."
<AllAgesDave> One is saying it means "literature" and the other says it means "insane".
<Dre> :-[
<AllAgesDave> They just decided upon "language." Fuck my generation. |
#143464 (874/988) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<[DD]Earl> the age of consent in england was set around 1890..
<[DD]Myxlplk> That's way too high |
#308806 (382/428) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<powersurge> god dammit
<powersurge> I go to dairy queen so often that google is asking me to set it as my work
<powersurge> stop judging me, google |
#76413 (2634/3000) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< Swuave> Scopophobia is a fear of being looked at.
< Swuave> LOL, i'de like to see someone with that fear.
<@SantaBJ> they wouldn't. |
#68894 (896/1014) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<sysv> omg i was so fucking stoned yesterday
<sysv> got off the wrong level on the lift at work today
<sysv> all the floors have the same layout, and the tech center is in the same place per each floor
<sysv> so i goes and gets off at some chinese engineering level in our building
<sysv> walk into the office, through the office, and sit down in my chair in the server room
<sysv> i'm like "My, this chair is so comfy!... When did we upgrade our servers to Quad Xeon's?"...
<sysv> and people are coming to me asking for help, so I'm helping and shit, doing my job...
<sysv> 4 hours into it, someone asks me if I'm Guy Yee's assistant... and I'm like "who the fuck is Guy Yee?"...
<sysv> things went downhill from there, once they realized (and i realized) I didn't work on that level
<sysv> but they were happy to pay me for my 4 hours of time, and send me on my way down the lift to my companies level... i was wonderin why everyone was so fucking nice to me
<sysv> -_- |
#56878 (2847/3249) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Turtles> I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
<Lovespuds> ...
<Lovespuds> ...Dude.
<Turtles> Er.
<Turtles> That was the wrong window.
<Lovespuds> Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that. |
#144904 (2279/2599) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<C-Johnson> holy shit
<C-Johnson> 420,000 people without power in miami
* C-Johnson has quit (Read error: Operation timed out)
<phlux> 420,001* |
#310629 (89/97) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<TonyTheLemur> they tested our tornado siren a couple mornings ago
<Glaug-Eldare> did she attract any tornadoesComment: #foxie
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#105771 (953/1081) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<alpha>: girls that care about money don't interest me
<alpha>: girls smarter than me do
<Bryant>: girls smarter than you hide their interest in money
<Bryant>: and you cant tell
<Bryant>: because they're smarter than you |
#303743 (240/268) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> guy just called from a phone company
<@Rjx> my battery is actually running out
<@Rjx> and he's introducing himself, saying where he's from
<@Rjx> I just said buddy, I've got 5% battery left, what's the deal
<@Rjx> "are you interested in buying anything?" no "thanks"
<@Rjx> I need to try that every time |
#309086 (196/218) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Charlie: next door have been drilling for like 2weeks non stop
Charlie: what the fuck are they making
Richard: holes |
#234804 (3508/4010) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<vdou|> cat is a catnip junkie
<vdou|> she loves rubbing her face in it
<vdou|> i thought it was weird
<vdou|> until I imagined what I would do with pot if I didnt have thumbs or fire |
#311316 (70/76) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Helix_Mouse> I want a website full of examples of retarded, nonsensical c++ code that runs and you have to guess what the output is
<Pi> that's called "stack overflow" |
#237793 (855/971) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
JZarnecki: So I hooked up with a girl for the first time in like a year. She wasn't anything great to look at, but I'll take what I can get.
JZarnecki: Her occupation was USPS delivery.
JZarnecki: We eventually get down to business and I'm fucked up drunk and wearing a condom, but still manage to cum almost immediately because it had been so long. I pumped like 8 times it was terrible. She was pissed
JZarnecki: Anyways, the next day when i wake up shes already gone and i shit you not, there is a "Failure to Deliver" notice from her stuck on my door.
EJAYwarrior42: Give me her new number, I need to invite her to the league of internet superheroes. |
#223767 (1015/1155) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Scrumps> Hm... how do you log a user out remotely?
<ShinCS> sniper rifle |
#160168 (1044/1190) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<rbrown11> dude
<anon> ?
<rbrown11> i'm in the student center
<rbrown11> there's this guy in front of me, he looks EXACTLY like you
<rbrown11> should i say something?
<anon> it is me you fucker |
#229087 (1044/1188) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<%kimini> best toilet graffiti i've ever seen
<%kimini> "I hate 2 things in life; irony and graffiti"
<%kimini> i shat myself laughing
<%kimini> but i was in the toilet, so it was ok. |
#104056 (1087/1237) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Spy^> Can someone help me plz ?
<ViciousPotato> As a great man once said
<ViciousPotato> If you say 'plz' because it's shorter than 'please', I'll say 'no' because it's shorter than 'yes'.
<Spy^> lol
<Spy^> can someone help me please -_- |
#311660 (47/51) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<PoroCYon> \o/
<Saga_Musix> \o/
<Bonn333> /o/
<mtronic> \o\
<Bonn333> /o\
<mtronic> \o/
<Bonn333> (o(
<slerpy> )o(
<mtronic> ~o~
<slerpy> "o"
<Bonn333> .o.
<mtronic> <o>
<slerpy> ^o^
<mtronic> |o|
<Bonn333> ]o]
<mtronic> }o{
<slerpy> °o°
<mtronic> 7o7
<Bonn333> !o!
<mtronic> ¬o¬
<slerpy> =o=
<Bonn333> What are we doing now? xD
<GargajCNS> tie fighter design contest, i'm assuming |
#159419 (925/1053) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight asshole
cyph33r: YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I FUCKING HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE |
#297266 (939/1069) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Warchamp7> The other day at work, two of my bosses were trying to find each other in the office
<Warchamp7> And they were yelling "Ping!" back and forth
<Warchamp7> It was one of the greatest moments of my lifeComment: #MAGFest on irc.vgmusic.net
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#294500 (1063/1211) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<MurderMachine> So did I ever tell you the story of how my parents met?
<DryBones> Nope.
<MurderMachine> Well, there are two versions I guess.
<DryBones> How?
<MurderMachine> The story my Mum tells is: A group of idiots pushed her over while ice skating and my Dad heroically went over and helped her up.
<MurderMachine> The story my Dad tells is: He paid a group of idiots to go push her over so he could go heroically help her up.
<DryBones> ROFL
<MurderMachine> I have been paid not to tell her. |
#302725 (246/276) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Crenomaster> I'm bored.
<Crenomaster> I think I'll count how many corners does a circle have.
<psy_wombats> Depends on your monitor resolution |
#187177 (802/912) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<steven> ok, burning 2 CDs and then we're off to the hospital to have a baby |
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