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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..891011121314..599Next> |
#56459 (666/778) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@the_unknown> watching the history channel, tis a show on "the antichrist"
<@the_unknown> just went to a commericial break with the messag
<@the_unknown> message
<@the_unknown> "The antichrist is brought to you by Lexus"
<@bockman> haha |
#56396 (684/802) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt |
#311668 (42/44) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<unyu> Saying that a mathematical model describes reality, or is even a good approximation to it, is a truly huge statement. I'd rather not make such a statement unless it can be backed with strong arguments.
<Stevie-O> then you, sir, are not fit to be an economistComment: ##math
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#297184 (1913/2259) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<roxylucy> omg did i tell you what embarrassing thing happened to me the other day?
<hedgab> not that i know of
<roxylucy> ok. well, i was visiting my friend in the hospital
<hedgab> yeah
<roxylucy> and so i was leaving
<roxylucy> but in the next room, i noticed a man covered in machinery, shivering.
<roxylucy> and i thought that was sad, so i pulled the blanket up for him
<roxylucy> and, with his breathing mask on, says, "can you see if my testicles are black"
<hedgab> omg really?
<roxylucy> i tried to decline, but he looked so frail and desperate
<roxylucy> so i checked to make sure no one was looking
<roxylucy> and i looked at it and it was just fine
<hedgab> haha ok
<roxylucy> so i was like, "nope, none of it is black"
<roxylucy> and he takes off his mask and says, "can you see if my test results are back" |
#308326 (221/255) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(On the topic of socialization)
< qkumber1> I just pretend everyone is NPCs
< qkumber1> works wonders |
#236280 (622/728) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Upthorn> The place I lived on the outskirts of baltimore had good sound insulation
<superjupi> I'd give two ovaries and most of a kitten to have good sound insulation
<BagOfMagicFood> If I type this many letters then it lines up good sound insulation |
#310642 (26/32) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<muskets> to be tonic water all you NEED is water, bubbles and quinine
<muskets> and then usually you put lots of gin in it
<muskets> it's a british thing because it was medicine but we mixed it with booze to make it taste less awful
<muskets> and then we decided we LIKED it
<muskets> and now we drink it entirely because we want to
<kerin> this is also the story behind gin but in reverse
<kerin> alcohol was supposed to cure a lot of what ails ye
<kerin> but distilled grain alcohol kind of sucks to drink, so hey let's add some mother fucking juniper
<kerin> alright this is rad, i can't wait to get diagnosed with something so i can drink it all fucking day
<kerin> etc
<kerin> so really the gin and tonic brings the story full circle in a beautiful way
<muskets> yeah
<muskets> the main difference is that the original tonic water WORKED
<muskets> it was malaria prophylaxis
<kerin> well, gin worked if your problem was the horror of being trapped in pre-industrial europe
<kerin> it's about the only thing that did
<catplanet> ROFL |
#297775 (1511/1779) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> Did I tell you guys my cop story?
<asaph> No, Pry.
<Pryoidain> Okay so..
<Pryoidain> I get hungry one day, and I tell my mom I'm heading out.
<Pryoidain> She tells me to pick up a watermelon from the farmer's market while i'm out.
<Pryoidain> So I do, and I notice the KFC across the street is open.
<Pryoidain> Being someone who pays very close attention to gas usage, I make the logical choice and get some KFC.
<cjk> ...oh boy...
<Pryoidain> Yep. I turn down king and flip the radio dial, and during my fumbling I speed up to 55.
<Pryoidain> King is a 45.
<Pryoidain> so I fly by this cop, who promptly pulls me over.
<Pryoidain> The cop...is BLACK.
<Pryoidain> He walks up to the window, and asks the question.
<Pryoidain> "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
<Pryoidain> I just...leaned back so he could see the watermelon and the fried chicken in the passenger seat.
<Pryoidain> the cop damn near pissed himself laughing. He laughed for a solid five minutes.
<Pryoidain> I then...got off...WITHOUT A TICKET. |
#310618 (51/55) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(antomatic) Official SonyMicrosofTendo Policy On Video Game Preservation:
(antomatic) "Well, y'see... we kind of already /have/ your money?"
(antomatic) "And running servers is so hard."
(antomatic) "So very hard."
(antomatic) [End Statement]
(midas) 'Bye!'
(antomatic) 'Enjoy those consoles we sold you!'
(@raylee) at least piracy helps with archival of some of the game libraries. so if, say, the original wii shop channel servers were taken down, much of the content there would be available online
(antomatic) In 2000 years time, scholars will look back and speculate as to why so many internationally successful software titles from numerous disparate producers all bore the common insignia "Cracked by Honktronics"Comment: EFnet #archiveteam
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#183939 (825/969) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<&ScaryLptp> on my blackberry I have a turret voice from Portal that says "preparing to dispense product" when I get email for one account. I just stepped up to a urinal beside 2 people and had it go off and I couldn't stop laughing. surprised I didn't piss all over myself.
<&ScaryLptp> unzip, "preparing to dispense product"Comment: #shsc
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#297989 (5080/6020) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet. |
#33036 (805/943) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@brassica> hehe my penis slowly rolling off my desk and when it falls off its going to hit my cat
<@brassica> err pen is |
#311162 (80/90) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<VesicantDerp> Is there a name for selling your blood plasma, then using that money to get super fucked up on a normal amount of booze while you're low on blood?
<SpaceMarine> no
<SpaceMarine> but there really should be |
#297080 (482/564) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> I had this terrible sinus infection once, all the mucus, the works
<Pryoidain> Well at some point, between all the antihistamines, I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to snort a crapton of Instant coffee.
<Pryoidain> Now for those of you who don't know, ANY moisture will turn instant coffee, into actual coffee.
<Pryoidain> I became a human percolator for like, an hour an a half.
<asaph> ....You need to do one of those "This is what happens when you do drugs" commercials.
<asaph> Half the country would go sober 24 hours after it hit air. |
#101889 (2533/3001) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Rjx> i think the internet makes smart people smarter and stupid people louder
<rm-fr> SHUT UP!!! |
#147631 (771/907) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<KleverOneR> Hey carol...
<KleverOneR> How was the sex? 1 to 10
<Carousel> Which time??
<KleverOneR> Add them all together, then find the average
<Carousel> Hold on
|<-- Carousel has left dalnet (Ping timeout)
<Dayvid> Division by zero is a bitch amiright?
<KleverOneR>... |
#97738 (2489/2949) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
*** qf2mquo has joined channel #uw
<chronomex> hi qf2mquo
<chronomex> why the unusual nick?
<qf2mquo> o
<qf2mquo> shit
<qf2mquo> that's my password |
#300611 (933/1099) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Robohunk> A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, "I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm."
<Robohunk>
<Robohunk> The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words "Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!" over and over. |
#93970 (2542/3016) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Tire Aramaki > how tough is a 3/10?
Na'Axin > on a scale from 1 to 10?
Na'Axin > I'd say 3 |
#299675 (611/717) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<squibbles> :o
<squibbles> Universal is producing an Asteroids Movie!
<~blue_tetris> It sounds absolutely awful.
<~blue_tetris> I'd shoot that movie, if not for the fear that it would break into three smaller movies. |
#283880 (1045/1235) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Her: please answer honestly, yes or no, k?
Him: Go on.
Her: why do people make fun of blondes?
Him: Yes. |
#311601 (81/91) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Muad-Dib> I use IRC by carrier pigeon
<yipdw> I use it by boat
<yipdw> connection reset by pier |
#145699 (1902/2254) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Jacob: heh
Jacob: my roommate just walked by with a bottle of water
Jacob: I asked her why she wastes her money on that shit
Jacob: she replied with "It's healthier than tap water."
Jacob: I took the bottle from her and showed her where it said "Source: City of Houston Municipal Water Supply"
Jacob: Tap-water. |
#96097 (11713/13993) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
JimBob2814: I actually tried Superman 64
JimBob2814: yes, it is.
Rawlsaur: Is it actually as bad as they say?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: no, you're just predictable
Rawlsaur: Are you psychic or something?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: NO I WON'T
Rawlsaur: STOP DOING THAT!
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: haha |
#310153 (77/87) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Xaiier> I'm curious as to what a nuclear meltdown in space would be like
<scott_manley1> well there's no down
<scott_manley1> so it's more a melt
<Xaiier> oh right |
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