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#54388 (9427/11427) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
[Oni] FUCK!
[Oni] I'm just about out of black ink
[Krypton] printer?
[Oni] No, the type I disperse to run from predators. |
#60533 (6865/8305) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Zophory> dude, I just came up with the best idea for a Metal gear solid game!
<MrFizz> ....
<Zophory> it starts with Snake having to infiltrate a terroist meeting..
<MrFizz> I swear to God, if you say "Snake on a plane" at any point during this story, I'll cut you.
<Zophory> ..so, what's everyones plans for the weekend? |
#49442 (699/837) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<LOAF> So, I'm out back in the alley
<LOAF> I figure I'm alone, right
<LOAF> And it's completely dark
<LOAF> And I see a tiny round silhouette on the ground
<LOAF> Now, we've all been there: is it a coin or is it a splotch?
<LOAF> Do you bend over or don't you? What do you do? You have literally nanoseconds to figure it out.
<LOAF> But it was dark, damned dark, so the call was all the much harder.
<LOAF> And my brain gave the final instructions: coin, go for it, assume it is a coin.
<LOAF> And so I did.
<LOAF> And it was.
<LOAF> Which made me ever so pleased with myself
<LOAF> Which made me decide to do a little hop-and-spin and hold the coin up in the air
<LOAF> Which I did
<LOAF> And as I spun around and put the coin up in the air, there was a homeless guy digging through the dumpster, now staring at me.
<LOAF> And he clapped.
<LOAF> I offered him the coin, but he said I'd earned it. |
#57165 (7681/9319) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<jnz> I spilt Mountain Dew on my keyboard a few times and it left some thick syrupy stuff I never really decided to clean off. I've also spilt drinks on my cable modem and in my surge protector. Everything still worked fine.
<jnz> I move into an apartment close to my college for a semester and sugar ants appeared out of nowhere and would swarm my computer and electronics at night. In a week or so my cable modem, surge protector, and keyboard were completely clean and syrup free. Ants rock. |
#306964 (208/244) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+taras> my take on the world has improved since Firefox started giving me The Onion instead of BBC News when i type 'news' in the address barComment: #bitfolk
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#236608 (607/725) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Khas> Is there anyway to speed up the mouse without increasing the acceleration?
<finn> move your hand fasterComment: #gentoo
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#309714 (154/180) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<bizzy> i just made an ec2 ami of android gingerbread
<bizzy> now i can run my telephone in the cloud
<bizzy> its a new world of mobile data and adaptive architecture as code
<danh> i think you're joking but im not sure
<bizzy> my saas-model android will disrupt the existing mobile space
<bizzy> simply access your telephone over any standard web browser (including mobile)
<bizzy> now you can make calls even on the go right from your smartphone |
#309782 (230/270) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Taryn> some people apparently think that taxes are EVIL!!!! and that the ideal rate is 0%
<@Taryn> these people have never played SimCity
<@Taryn> (seriously, SimCity was what helped me understand why taxes exist)
<@NWH> <Fox News> Will Wright is a filthy godless liberal!
<@Taryn> lol
<@Treeki> there should be a libertarian SimCity
<@Treeki> it would be exactly like regular SimCity, but all the buttons would be disabled
<@Treeki> except for zooming and moving around |
#311143 (84/96) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<devilmaydry> play pso2 while working
<~Drakkar> ncan't
<~Drakkar> -m
<~Drakkar> +m
<~Drakkar> -n
<~Drakkar> writing
<InfiniteOregano> i like that you made sure to add the m that you took away even though there was no m to begin with
<InfiniteOregano> you can't have negative ms floating about
<InfiniteOregano> breaking reality |
#295812 (559/667) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@toastydea> dear lord, i have to have "the talk" with my mom
<@toastydea> about why we can't be friends on facebook |
#310619 (49/55) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
bcallah | yeah I'm going to bed before I end up in another openbsd fanfic |
#261933 (986/1186) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<elDiablo> I HATE MENUS
<elDiablo> MEN FUCKING US
<elDiablo> ...
<elDiablo> Wait a minute
<Xarlaxas> ?
<MaximusBrood> Typo of the day.
<elDiablo> Quiet you |
#301942 (570/682) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Ryan> I had my car broken into. They ignored my two laptops, but instead took my iPhone charger and 3 cans of Grape Soda from my cooler. |
#86255 (755/905) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
*** Saul has joined #general
<Saul> Man, today was awesome.
<Saul> We all got sent home like 5 hours early because the whole system shorted out and went down.
<kilik> explain.
<Saul> Well, in our office, the doors are always left open because the air con doesnt work.
<Saul> And as a result flies come in from outside.
<Saul> Last year we got some of those electric fly killers installed, you know the ones that glow blue and zap the flies that fly into them?
<Saul> Well today I'm at the watercooler taking a 5-min break.
<Saul> And I swear to God, the biggest bluebottle on the face of the Earth buzzes in.
<Saul> It's like 3 inches long.
<Saul> Goes straight for the zapper and flies into it.
<Saul> The explosion knocked out the power to the entire floor. |
#307843 (425/507) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Grauwolf> The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don't care if you get them or not |
#146969 (1989/2405) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> a GM was playing hide and seek with us, right?
<Trinexx> offering a massive prize to whoever found her first
<Trinexx> so I reported a bug
<Trinexx> she summoned me to her so I could explain
<Trinexx> I just grinned and said "Found ya."
<Armada> Did you win?
<Trinexx> No, she sapped me and kicked me off the server. |
#304474 (315/373) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Fingers> soooooo
<@Fingers> anyone else familiar with the Xerox Phaser 8200/8400 printers?
<@Fingers> specifically the ink blocks they use?
<@Fingers> you know, the ones that are basically big blocks of colored wax, kind of like crayons?
<Genesys> neat
<@Fingers> now, I say "kind of like" because obviously, they ARE NOT crayons
<Genesys> aww
<@Fingers> however
<@Fingers> it appears that distinction was lost on one of my coworkers
<@Fingers> who decided that the best course of action when the yellow ink sticks ran low was NOT to order replacements
<@Fingers> but instead, to jam a shit-ton of yellow Crayolas into the yellow feed slot
<Genesys> you are kidding, right?
<@Fingers> no
<@Fingers> I am not
<@Fingers> at least she removed the paper wrapper first
<@Fingers> "well, they're both just colored wax, right?"
<@Fingers> sure
<@Fingers> and gasoline and diesel are just petroleum products, either should work fine
<@Fingers> I'm trying to remove the ink feed assembly to see if I can chisel this nasty crayon mess out of the printer
<@Fingers> FUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuComment: Fingers works in education. These people are teaching your children!
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#34873 (780/936) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<everest> the iraqis captured 4 italians, 2 americans, and a korean
<everest> they're setting up for an offensive joke.
<everest> tomorrow they'll force the hostages to walk into a barComment: #geekissues
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#64493 (860/1032) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<DinkyDogg> my mom and sister and i had an awesome moment going through security on the way back from Ireland
<DinkyDogg> I was reading the sign about the prohibited items, and it went something like this:
<DinkyDogg> Me: Looks like I can't go on board, because my 'tool' is more than 7 inches.
<DinkyDogg> Rachel: Jake!
<DinkyDogg> Mom: And also no "club-like objects"
<DinkyDogg> Rachel: MOM!!!!!
<DinkyDogg> *Rachel cries* |
#60470 (673/807) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Ina> got a problem with that file stuff
<Alex> what?
<Ina> yeah, always tells me that the files are too large
<Alex> well, send them separately or compress them
<Ina> but I've already pushed them closer to each other
<Alex> pushed them closer??
<Ina> yeah, on the screen, you know
<Alex> ???
<Ina> those symbols, you know, I've put them closer to each other, now they take up less room
<Alex> you've... pushed together... the images... the symbols...?
<Ina> YEAH! Now they need less space, don't they?
<Alex> ...*bangs head on table* |
#59016 (644/774) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<FuriKuri> How do I turn off those stupid red lines in Microsoft Word?
<Chu> Type correctly?Comment: #nintendo @ irc.chatspike.net
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#270129 (740/890) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< Frowardd> this channel, collectively, is alikened to a bundle of burning cigarettes
< Frowardd> ie, full of nicotine and bad for me.
< Frowardd> goodnight
<@relsqui> that was the subtlest way to call us all fags ever
< Selig> relsqui: what was?
<@relsqui> exactly. |
#307519 (193/227) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Fax> have to say that's the first time I've had a guy get pissed that I'm *not* banging his daughter |
#309109 (132/154) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> ....
<Pryoidain> I just fucking got OWNED by a plastic bag
<Pryoidain> So I finished my twizzlers right and I had this 1 gallon plastic bag with a double seal thing
<Pryoidain> so i closed it up real tight and used a straw to inflate it to bursting, then sealed it
<Pryoidain> and i sat it on my desk chair and plopped down on it HARD to try and pop it
<Pryoidain> fucker shot out behind me, I flew forward face to desk, chair went backward, I fell off the desk and slammed my fucking head on the wall, and then the bag fell, still inflated, onto my lap |
#205862 (594/712) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@taters> note to self
<@taters> DO NOT MESS WITH WIRES WHILE COMPUTER IS RUNNING
<@taters> i just zapped the fucking hell out of myself
<@taters> it shut my computer off, and i swear i smell burning hair
<@taters> funny enough, the first thing i thought after doing it
<@taters> besides "SON OF A BITCH OUCH"
<@taters> was "Hmm, i should have updated it if i was going to end up restarting" |
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