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#304344 (450/530) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Foone> my oatmeal is impressive
<Foone> it has separate instructions for making oatmeal with 1 packet or with 2 packets
<Foone> if you want to make it with 1 packet, you pour into a bowl and add 1/2 cup of hot water and stir
<mathrick> hahah, what?
<Foone> if you want to make it with 2 packets, you pour into a bowl and add 1 cup of hot water and stir
<Foone> I THINK I COULD HAVE FIGURED OUT THE SECOND ONE ON MY OWN
<mathrick> no twist ending?
<Foone> NOPE
<Foone> they don't provide instructions for making it with 3 packets, though
<Foone> but they provide a number to call with questions
<mathrick> DO IT |
#296710 (2334/2788) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Bapa> Hello beautiful, flawless people of #MOOP.
<godsprophet> sorry, none of those people are here right now
<godsprophet> please leave a message after the long, awkward silence
<Bapa> What makes it awkward?
<sui> i'm naked. |
#309379 (119/137) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< V0id> one advantage of a complicated root password is can't type it when drunk |
#307516 (288/340) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+Polynomial> there's a weight loss clinic on my way to work called Beacon
<+Polynomial> someone spray painted over the 'e' so it reads "B acon" instead
<slc> haha awesome
<+Polynomial> not only that, but they did it on the slogan too...
<+Polynomial> "Lose weight fast with B acon!"
<slc> rofl
<slc> whoever did that needs an invitation to the league of internet superheroes |
#305711 (747/887) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Apathy runs off to sleep
<Apathy> also tell fantasyprone i said "saw that coming!"
<snark> future fantasyprone says to tell you she saw your mom coming last night
<snark> I have a time machine
<snark> and will pass on your message to avoid a paradox
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) has joined #elitists
<snark> fantasyprone: Apathy said to tell you he saw that coming
<fantasyprone> if you see Apathy again, you can tell him I saw his mom coming
<snark> Will do.
* snark hops in a time machine and jumps back a couple of minutes
* snark emerges from the time machine again.
<snark> All done.
<fantasyprone> thanks |
#311568 (76/86) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> the bigger question is why I am so fixated on personality disorders
<@digdug_> maybe you have pdfpd
<@digdug_> personality disorder fixation personality disorder
<@Dom`> pdfpd.pdf
<@Dom`> the document for pdfpd |
#308922 (684/814) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@i_c-Y> i had a nightmare yesterday that i bought 3 licenses of norton antivirus |
#308958 (182/212) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
07:07 <henrikhodne> grawity: I thought you went to sleep./
07:07 * henrikhodne is seriously stalking too much.
08:05 <grawity> henrikhodne: I did, why?
08:11 <grawity> henrikhodne: ...how did you even know I'm awake
08:13 <henrikhodne> grawity: Someone from Lithuania visited my blog. I assumed it was you.
08:14 <grawity> ._. |
#310794 (74/84) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<anodos_> good entropy source - leave a newbie with a file open in vi, ask him to exit it, and track all the keystrokes |
#123732 (725/861) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
zombiegutsxx: so what you up to?
sammahxcore: ah just opened up my trading account
sammahxcore: about to hit up the stock market
zombiegutsxx: ORLY?
zombiegutsxx: why?
sammahxcore: to make money :P
zombiegutsxx: yeah i know but isnt there a lot of risk?
sammahxcore: only if you suck at trading
sammahxcore: and i played pokemon for 4 years so i'm covered |
#295487 (733/871) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<gutupio> My dog has figured out you open the door by turning the handle.
<gutupio> He's trying to open the door now.
<gutupio> I'm afraid his ancestors might be raptors. |
#31567 (693/823) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<DasKrav> I was correcting tests for student service a few weeks ago
<DasKrav> And while correcting a geometry test, I got to the question "What is the collision of three planes called?" (The answer was "a point")
<DasKrav> the kid put "A disaster"
<DasKrav> I didn't take off points >:] |
#35763 (750/892) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<TMH-> Tip of the day: Do not packet sniff your family's internet traffic, you may find out more than you want to know about them. That is all. |
#55289 (700/834) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<pssh> tonight i was watching tv and eating some chinese food
<pssh> my three year old walks in and i turn around and say "Here, want some?" and she just starts crying and runs out of the room
<pssh> my wife barges in and starts yelling at me for scaring her like that
<pssh> turns out my daughter came in asking if i had seen the cat |
#306931 (434/516) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Jimbo> The best way for a baker to prevent his delicious cakes being stolen would be to cover them in dogshit and broken glass, but in doing so he would also kill his sales. Ubisoft are currently that baker. |
#154860 (443/527) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<BOBNESS> you'll never in a million years guess what happened and thats pretty sad
<@Calisc> you got laid
<BOBNESS> my hint was too good |
#310957 (129/149) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
h34rts0me: area man discovers new dimension, becomes volume man |
#309669 (150/174) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<sloth> I've had vendors try and hire prostitutes for me before
<sloth> "oh, this is jennifer in sales, she'll take you out for the night" 5 hours later and a few round of drinks I realize she knew nothing about the product she was supposedly selling and hardly anything about the guy who was her boss
<sloth> I still gave her benefit of the doubt until she wanted to come up to my room
<sloth> email industry is so shady |
#187397 (833/1001) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
osirisx11: i had an awkward moment with my boss just now
osirisx11: he went for the pound and i went for the handshake, and i shook his fist |
#305793 (520/618) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<jenni> i should apparently empty my sofa more often
<jenni> i found a laptop i didn't remember i owned |
#300111 (137/159) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<raco> Why criticize masturbation? Better to self-release and get it out of your system then commit a sex crime.
<lanter> Wow, I really hope you meant "than" rather than "then." |
#297669 (613/731) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@baka> anyone here ever eaten sushi off a naked woman?
<Sloshed> no thanks
<@baka> i'm intrigued
<@Sadrak> I'd volunteer to do the dishes |
#308978 (103/119) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> Huh. This build is acting very odd.
<asaph> is that the experiment ssp patch for llvm?
***Quits: Pryoidain (Ping Timeout)
---36 hours later, 4AM---
***Joins: Pryoidain
<Pryoidain> Just smashed a stack with a patch meant to prevent that from happening.
<Pryoidain> Well..not just. I guess it's...holy shit it's Saturday?
* Pryoidain throws that particular code snip in the bin and goes the fuck to bed. |
#50630 (716/854) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< cosmo_gunny> I was at the market buying food, and I was in the dairy department..
< cosmo_gunny> and there were various Land Of Lakes products.. with a big sign that said "LOL CHEESE"
< cosmo_gunny> and I lost it. |
#70455 (737/879) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
[krazy]: i was lost in school today
[krazy]: i couldnt find my class
[krazy]: and guess what the room # was
[dizzy]: ?
[krazy]: 404 |
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