QDB: Statistically Best Quotes
About / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Donate / Submit Quote / Search

TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..14151617181920..599Next>
#30168 (574/696) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<J3anyus> something is wrong when a girl comes in and tells my roommate "you're such a nerd!" and i think to myself "no he's not, he doesn't even know how to compile a linux kernel!"
#301717 (1231/1509) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<charl> hey navi, help. 9x - 7i > 3(3x-7u), for i
<navi> i <3 u
<navi> .. i'm going to kill you in your sleep
Comment: charl has a crush on navi. both are male, and navi is straight.
#87350 (503/609) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Dexi: I found this auction on eBay...
Dexi: "Learn how to earn over $500 a day with this system!"
Dexi: Starting bid: $557.00
Grim: ...lmao
Dexi: I think  might know what the system is... ;)
#300462 (538/652) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<nlogax> lol.. a guy here at work saw his position being advertised.. and got pissed off
<miketaylr> oops
<ben_alman> like an additional resource, or a replacement?
<nlogax> they haven't said.. he sent in an application :D
<nlogax> and said "if you want to know more i'm just 15m away!"
<ben_alman> he applied for his own job?
<nlogax> yes
#311249 (65/75) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Nyz> I love standards
<Nyz> I try to have at least two for all occasions
#300724 (1947/2389) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Shey>Hey John,some confused lady called the helpdesk that they've closed the nursery two hours ago or so,and if you are gonna pick up your daughter...
<John>Holy shit!
-!- John has quit
-!- Michael has quit
-!- Nobody has quit
-!- MoneyMaschine has quit
-!- Server has quit
-!- fightbot has quit
-!- Nobody has joined #techsupper
<Nobody>Shey,send us some network guys, John tripped over the switch cable and pulled the socket from the wall.
#301509 (545/661) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<t0mato> anyone here knows how fast will my computer run after a registry cleaning?
<x5ga> We have a formula to calculate the percentage of speed gained
<x5ga> (E*c/100)*a
<x5ga> E is the number of errors cleaned
<x5ga> c is the number of cores your CPU has
<x5ga> a is 0
#302934 (666/810) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Ted: Usually we get a virga rainfall here.
bob read that as viagra rainfall
ErinH: lol
Ted: sigh, bob
ian: "if you have rainfall lasting more than 4 hours, contact your weatherman"
Ted: heh
MichelleH: dare I ask what virga rainfall is?
bob: gah. now I have "it's raining men" stuck in my head
Ted: it's rain that evaporates before hitting the ground
ErinH: cool
bob: heh. premature evaporation.
#140289 (2510/3084) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
iGenius52: i have a ladybug in my keyboard...
GogetaFour: LOL
GogetaFour: nice
iGenius52: i tried to take a pic but my phones acting weird
iGenius52: so i took a video instead
iGenius52: but i was listening to rocky music
iGenius52: so now i have a vid of a ladybug running across my keyboard with rocky training music in the background
#305776 (168/200) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
* Jorfs (Jorfs@9BEA575.2F81F144.8DE8CFAD.IP) has joined #britfa.gs
<Jorfs> Shit how do i chat up this hot redhead?
<music> okc?
<Jorfs> Nah im at a bar
<music> so let me get this straight
<music> you're at a bar
<music> and you're trying to chat a girl up
<music> but you don't know what to do, so you come on irc?
<Jorfs> Yes
<Jorfs> Why are they all laughing at me now?
<music> hahah
#305502 (167/199) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<inetknght> uhhh, oops
<inetknght> i was fucking around with ipv6 settings on my work's server and accidentally disabled ipv4 on it
<inetknght> ...without ipv4, i have zero method of remoting in to fix that so that the point-of-sale systems still function
<inetknght> suppose i still have remote access to another machine on the network... any idea how to remote in through link-local ipv6 to re-enable that shit so i dont get a call tomorrow morning?
* ~Genesis2001 prepares coffee for inetknght
<~Genesis2001> you'll need it :v
#309494 (169/201) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<DeadStar> I have a general question that will sound kinda odd
<DeadStar> how do power buttons work on computers
...
[snip]
...
<DeadStar> Im looking in to having a rasbery pi host a web page that will turn on my big power hungry server
<SirWolfgang> it doesnt hold state, it sends a toggle signle on press
<SirWolfgang> which goes to the powersupple, normally brown wire on motherboard
<DeadStar> you think i coud just use a relay across the 2 pins of the power button
<myself> did you check the BIOS for Wake-On-LAN capability first?
<DeadStar> thats a good point
<myself> I mean, not to stop the wheel-reinvention party that surrounds any raspi project...
<DeadStar> didnt think of that
#50118 (584/710) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Epsilon> Trying to find porn on the internet is like trying
to find hay in a haystack.
#73370 (702/856) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
madskz: i' tried ass fuck
takefive: Ahaha
takefive: wait, why?
madskz: what??
madskz: oh shit
madskz: *i'm tired as fuck
#57086 (8198/10182) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@codstar> rice crispies and hangovers don't go together
<@codstar> first time ive ever told a bowl of cereal to stfu
#58745 (604/736) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Omi> I owned someone at work today
<Xa> How'd you manage that?
<Omi> He was pratting about chasing after the girls
<Omi> 'Cause he's a fucktard like that
<Omi> But he took his shoes off so he wouldnt make loud noises
<Omi> Which would attract the boss's attention
<Omi> So I nailed his shoes to the floor
<Xa> Rofl
<Omi> Someone said the boss was coming
<Omi> So he sprinted back to his shoes
<Omi> Jumped in them
<Omi> And then fell on his face when he tried to walk forward
#299533 (707/867) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Dr_Pressure> in Old English, a period (.) was used to denote the end of a sentence.
<Dr_Pressure> in modern English, "lol" is used to end a sentence lol
#306441 (236/284) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<fahadsadah> Sounds just like my chemistry gcse practical skills assessment
<fahadsadah> I caught fire and got 100%
<fahadsadah> Despite not actually having done the experiment
#309944 (63/73) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<xplat> man, i am just amazed at how bad rhythmbox is
<xplat> i mean it, i'm literally amazed
<xplat> not just at how long it stayed the default gnome music player while being so bad, i've come to expect things like that
<xplat> it's how they managed to avoid all the obvious and easy mistakes and find a whole other set of mindblowingly inobvious mistakes to make instead
#310374 (90/106) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@DigDug> whoa, adobe is dropping flash linux support
<@|silicon> I say we go to their house and wreck up the place
<@DigDug> i say we send them a cake
<@DigDug> maybe they'll drop mac and win support too
#301149 (414/502) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<+endemDan> i need to find a new job, where customers are not so retarded
<@Gusterbuster> Someone call you and say 'Can you hear me now?'
<+endemDan> no i have had that happen before, but this is even worse
<+endemDan> a customer calls in support from their cell and says she cant find the function she wants to take a pic with
<+endemDan> so i get her phone model blah blah blah, then ask what exactly shes trying to do
<+endemDan> she says 'i see pictures of people where they are holding their phone and are in the picture themselves, how do i take a picture of myself and my phone if the camera does not come off the phone'
<+endemDan> she continues with 'also how are they getting a picture of themselves from the front if i can see the flash?, like the camera is facing away from them during the picture. how do i do that?'
<+endemDan> i couldnt even respond or laugh, i was just in complete awe that someone was actually serious about this question
<+endemDan> then i asked her if she has ever looked at herself in the mirror, and freaks out thinking i just called her ugly or some shit and demands to speak to my manager
<+endemDan> so i put her on hold, get him over and tell him the story and he doesnt believe me and gets on the phone and has her repeat everything she said and then asks her about the complaint against me
<+endemDan> he asks her the same exact thing (it has been about 10 minutes since the call started) and then, then she finally gets it and understands that taking a picture in a mirror is how the people do it
<+endemDan> i dont understand how people like that function in life
<@Gusterbuster> Yea. However you get to sit on your ass all day and answer a phone
Comment: endemDan works at verizon
#108496 (476/578) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Dexi: dude
Dexi: i feel stupid
Dexi: my friend put down "C" for every answer on the ACT...
Dexi: and scored higher than me
#307246 (171/205) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Eevee1> Suppose in management terms, you'd call it the Seagull.
<Eevee1> Fly in, squawk loudly, shit everywhere, and leave.
#303898 (331/401) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<AndrewBC> My favorite password is "incorrect"
<AndrewBC> that way when I get it wrong, they remind me
<AndrewBC> "Your password is incorrect"
#143423 (2410/2978) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
*** dawg88 has joined #medical
(dawg88) hi, are all people in this channel doctors?
(+Reggae) yup.
(dawg88) i just wanna know how the possibility of a father to inherit a sickle cell anaemia gene to his son???
(+Reggae) humm, does his son has a sister?
(dawg88) yeah
(+Reggae) is she hot?!
(dawg88) fuck you
save page | share <Prev1..14151617181920..599Next>

About / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Donate / Submit Quote / Search
14,883 quotes approved; 8,692 fermenting; karma: 189.4805