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#308688 (484/596) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<^_^> I thought you didn't use B in Finnish?
<Bill> The thought of that makes me ill
<^_^> the thought of what
<Bill> Not having a B |
#45867 (594/734) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<nV`StOkE> If /quit and /connect are swimming in the ocean, and /connect gets eaten by a shark, who's left?
<ToiletDuck-pwny-> /quit is
<nV`StOkE> wtf.
* nV`StOkE has quit IRC (Quit: is)Comment: #pubmasters
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#71165 (622/770) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Yahovah> bsmntbombdood: I have a new nickname for you. Captain Oblivious.
<bsmntbombdood> I don't get it
<Yahovah> Exactly. |
#65407 (538/664) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
pastachees: Titanic is really bad
pastachees: the movie anyways
pcat: The boat didn't work so well either |
#31494 (644/798) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Meph|st0> Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
<Meph|st0> thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen |
#32465 (569/705) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@Chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@Chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@Chin^> there is no justice in the world...Comment: bash.org
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#310199 (85/101) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Phantom_Hoover> You know what annoys me about Deep Space 9.
<Phantom_Hoover> It wasn't in deep space.
<Phantom_Hoover> It was orbiting Bajor. |
#97707 (1747/2187) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Austin> Outlook suggests "Mozilla Firefox" be spelled "Melissa Firebox."
<Austin> Melissa Firebox is a GREAT porn star name.
<aaron> especially a red head
<pthree> definitely |
#101481 (2490/3126) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SaxxonPike> mmm, steak
<SLASHSPIT> you guys don't respect the environment, do you?
<SaxxonPike> I respect a good dinner
<SLASHSPIT> how can you eat that? cows are like one of the largest contributors of methane gas
<SLASHSPIT> which contributes to global warming and stuff
<SLASHSPIT> so what are you all doing for the environment?
<SaxxonPike> I eat the fucking cowsComment: #das-cove
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#297297 (504/624) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
atari2600a: I need help
atari2600a: what tastes better, Oriental flavored Murchan Ramen, or Roast Beef Top Ramen?
dixon: I prefer oriental.
dixon: Roast beef just tastes kinda bland to me. Oriental has a nice soy-ish flavor.
atari2600a: thanks
atari2600a: I knew I could count on a group of programmers to help me with my ramen-based dilemma
atari2600a: <3
***atari2600a has left ##programming |
#295912 (306/376) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Voldemort> My father bought my mother and I GSM cell phones to use while we're here.
<Voldemort> We had to get both repaired. One had a bad ribbon cable, and the screen as a result didn't work.
<Voldemort> The other is only a dual band and doesn't support the frequencies here in the Philippines. Woulda been cheaper to just buy new ones here.
<Voldemort> Anyways, the one with the bad ribbon cable works now, and I was going through it. Apparently, the person on ebay who sold it never cleared the phone. Has pics in it, one of which is a pussy with a tattoo around it making the slit look like the body of a butterfly.
<Voldemort> I didn't think anything of it until I went through the games. There's something in there called "Purring Kitten". It makes the phone vibrate continuously. Needless to say, I'm gonna sterilize that phone now... |
#70466 (672/834) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pig[Trabajo]> I was visiting my friend's uni, right?
<Pig[Trabajo]> And they had this Thai kid show up
<Pig[Trabajo]> His full name was: Sataporn Pornpromlikit
<Pig[Trabajo]> Every single fraternity petitioned him to join them.
<Pig[Trabajo]> Everyone wanted Sataporn Pornpromlikit on their side.
<Pig[Trabajo]> The poor little guy was so confused. |
#62582 (669/831) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<TwiZted> i got a 137,000 point drift on nfsu 2
<kmi> I have 513'812 KB of free swap space.
<TwiZted> nobody bloody cares
<kmi> that's exactly my point |
#57267 (6902/8716) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> Oy! Maybe my job does rock.
<evilAdmin> Da Fluke network tester (a $6000 Gameboy wannabe) was broken today since someone took the lithium batteries out of it and neglected to put them back in the case.
<evilAdmin> We had to test out the connection between floors 2&4, going through floor 3 in the process.
<evilAdmin> so I tell da b0ss that the Network tester is dead... And I need to generate network traffic so I can see the stats on the switches and routers, make sure no packets are being killed prematurely.
<evilAdmin> So he sayz "How much is that tester worth?", I say "6K". He says "Great!".
<evilAdmin> he picks up his office phone, hits the global annoucement button, and says "Floors Two, Three, and Four, our IT Admin requires that you generate network traffic for equipment testing. Grab Half Life off my network share, I'll host". He hangs up and says "Happy?", I say "that works".
<evilAdmin> The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to a rather large Half Life MP game on Crossfire :). |
#60330 (2341/2949) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> ...
<evilAdmin> Never seen that one before.
<evilAdmin> Got back from meeting with a friend, who wanted to show me some $35K Server systems in a datacenter basically underground downtown that he is a part of.
<evilAdmin> During the tour, I'm like "Dude- is that a pizzabox inbetween those 4U servers?", and he's like "Yup. Want some lunch?". Pulls the box out, grabs a slice. I already ate, so I passed.
<evilAdmin> He says that the $20K 8x Opteron boxes generate lots of heat, and thus keep the Pizza warm.
<evilAdmin> I'm like "Don't Oppies have PowerNow or some AMD cooler shit?", and he's like "Yeah, but we run SETI/Prime95 to keep the pizza hot".
<evilAdmin> :\ |
#26234 (656/816) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(jonathans) i want a cow bell that makes a cow noise
(jonathans) when i hit it
(jonathans) it will go "COW"
(orion) cows go moo |
#27348 (571/709) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[21:19:59] <stillstudy> weird
[21:20:04] * stillstudy finds 2 leaves in his text book
[21:20:15] <stillstudy> mkae that 4
[21:20:16] <stillstudy> wtf
[21:20:20] <stillstudy> this book is reverting to being a tree |
#309853 (195/237) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Spellcheck has quit (Connection reset by peer)
<Boletus> Fnilaly! |
#90780 (1732/2176) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Elixir> my mother tried to ground me
<Elixir> for farting when we had company
<Elixir> i'm like
<Elixir> "i'm 20"
<Elixir> CONVERSATION FUCKING OVER
<randumb> i think you lost that one
<randumb> you farted when company was over while you lived with your mom at age 20
<randumb> and you almost got groundedComment: #machogang on popn.cjb.net:4400
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#295274 (514/638) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< Yorokobi> I saw a great license plate frame and license plate today. The frame: What would Jesus do? The plate: JWRTFMComment: #ubuntu-us-ut on freenode
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#302377 (543/673) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Umm> Sorry, had to eject a stoner from the house
<Umm> Fuckhead managed to bust a door, though
<Navier> ...?
<Umm> Claimed to be "fixing" a door that was broken into being closed
<Umm> He managed to break it into being open
<Einar> why was there a stoner IN your house?
<Umm> I don't know
<Einar> You should call the police
<Einar> Real life is not video games. Having strange people wander in, dig through your stuff, and attempting to solve door-opening puzzles does not indicate they're saving the world.Comment: nightstar.net
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#139874 (1735/2179) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Stueh> So you know how I started working at an all girls school?
<Stueh> Well
<Stueh> I had to see the school nurse for a checkup, as they's due at the start of term
<Stueh> She started asking me all these questions and putting it down on this form
<Stueh> and she goes "How tall are you?" and I reply "Limp or erect?"
<Stueh> She just grinned and said "limp please" so I said 178cm, then she raised an eyebrow and gigled, then asked "erect?" and I said "About 1 foot taller"
<Stueh> Then this horrified look just comes across her face, and I'm wondering, well, why is she so horrified if she edged me on?
<Stueh> Then I realised she's looking behind me... I turn around, and there's this group of year 11 students
<Stueh> I'm like "I'm talking about my height" and this one, with a big grin, goes "You grow a foot when you get a boner?"
<Stueh> "Yes I do and no you can't."
<Stueh> The nurse looked like she was going to fucking kill me XD |
#297426 (448/554) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Errdoth> Guess what I have that you don't.
<ichai> virginity?
<Errdoth> :( |
#302680 (93/111) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<dd7> i took a survey of physics undergrads once asking their reaction to suddenly understanding relativity
<dd7> answers were pretty typical: "whoa", "awesome", "thats amazing"
<dd7> one guy apparently pissed himself and went the whole class without realizing it |
#296857 (500/620) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Pandy strokes Toolmaker
<Pandy> oh god
<Pandy> i have a story
<Pandy> a rl story
<Pandy> a friend of mine got robbed in january, he came home to find this scummy dundee junkie taking his xbox and some other stuff from his flat
<Pandy> so naturally he tried to block the door so the guy couldn't leave
<Pandy> the guy then ran into his kitchen and got a knife and waved it around
<Pandy> so he just let the guy go and then called the cops and they came over and found the guy waiting for a bus round the corner with all his stuff
<Pandy> so anyway
<Pandy> turns out this guy pleaded not guilty
<Pandy> so it went to court
<Pandy> last week
<Pandy> my friend didn't really get why
<Pandy> but
<Pandy> the story that the robber came up with
<Pandy> was that my friend met him at a bus stop and asked him to come back to his flat and he would pay him 40 quid to wank him off
<Evil STEVE> loooooooooooooool
<Pandy> and then apparently my friend forgot that he had no money
<Pandy> so he gave him some stuff from his flat
<Pandy> instead
<Pandy> including his xbox and a kitchen knife
<Pandy> and there was a jury and shit
<Pandy> and the guy got put away for 3 years
<Pandy> BUT
<dcower> rofl
<Pandy> it was a majority verdict
<Pandy> so at least one dundee juror thinks my friend pays scummy dundee neds for handjobs
<Pandy> he was like :(
Evil STEVE laughs out loud
<Pandy> and even worse this class of students were in the court on day one
<Pandy> when the robber was being cross examined
<Pandy> so they heard all of his hilarious handjob story
Toolmaker si roolign on teh florr laugihrng @ Pandy to hard t0 stpo!111!!111
<Pandy> then never came back the next day to hear the verdict |
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