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#311395 (130/158) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Xhiel: OH MY GOD
Xhiel: so these's an online company that make mini bricks for construction stuff
Xhiel: and there's a reddit thread where a poster said he once masturbated used a miniature brick anally
Xhiel: and it got stuck inside, so he had to literally shit a brick
Xhiel: so someone links the website that makes tiny bricks
Xhiel: and the owner notices all the traffic
Xhiel: and tracks the fucking thread down
Xhiel: AND POSTS A 30% DISCOUNT CODE
Xhiel: "MINIBRICKDILDO"
Xhiel: AND THE GOD DAMNED CODE WORKS
Xhiel: I can't right now
Xhiel: I have lost my ability to even
Xhiel: AND HIS COMMENT IS GUILDED
Xhiel: THAT'S IT
Xhiel: I"M DONE |
#227362 (840/1062) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TheCheat> I'm pissed off! I'm hungry, bored, my gf's knocked up, and bitchy, i'm smoking my last cig, i'm out of wee, my d key doesn't work all the time and my internet sucks cus i have to use a cell phone to get on line, that locks up when ever it feels like it!
<@carnt> TheCheat: Hi! It looks like you're blogging on IRC. Would you like to: [Add Comments] [e-Mail this to a Friend] [Digg This!] [Submit to Slashdot] [Add to del.icio.us] [Commit suicide because nobody cares] |
#121156 (2388/3046) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<max> my mom friended my sister on facebook
<max> but not me |
#193445 (706/892) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@pomo|wii> So, funny story. I don't know if it's true or not, but according to my public speaking professor, it is.
<@pomo|wii> So, a few people decide to throw a party and decide to inflate a few blow-up dolls with helium to have floating around the house.
<@pomo|wii> Now, everything's going well, until apparently some of these dolls escape into the night sky via an open door/window/something
<@pomo|wii> According to what he told us, a woman a few blocks down saw these dolls and thought that the rapture was occuring, and people were floating away into heaven
<@pomo|wii> so this woman RUNS INTO THE STREET, screaming to be taken with them, only to be hit and killed by a car |
#296709 (601/759) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Nab> Primo
<Nab> I'm 6'1
<Nab> And 245
<Nab> How do you think I feel
<Nab> >_>
<cheese> you probably feel like eating some cake |
#307357 (253/315) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<&Zera> Oh jesus.. I need to turn off the network share monitor on zerver/glasnftp. *ring ring* "Hey, me (mom's bf) and your mom's gonna watch a movie on the big screen up here. What's the logon password for the server again?". *20 minutes later and checking share activity* "Amateur.Anal.Attempts.15.xxx.dvdrip"
<&Zera> :(
<&Zera> I did not need to know this |
#310127 (84/104) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mroman_> I should probably read about privacy laws in the US :)
<Jafet> Don't worry, it won't take that much time. |
#294629 (336/420) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@isosceles> im at the pharmacy
<@isosceles> getting sleeping pills for my wife
<@isosceles> and then i realize: i need to get vaseline (for chapped skin/oil pastel) and baby wipes (for makeup removal)
<@isosceles> but then i stopped, after realizing how horrible that would look at the register |
#241911 (116/142) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mokeylace>: I like to do a breakdown of how much time I spend every day fucking off on certain activities, and how much this correspondingly costs my company
<mokeylace>: for instance, it just cost my employers $37 for me to trim my fingernails
<mokeylace>: earlier it cost them $75 for me to read some webcomics
<GL>: hahaha
<mokeylace>: I'm hoping that when I submit my findings they'll find it wise to hire someone to scratch my nuts for me in the next budget period
<mokeylace>: marc are you still looking for a job?
<JukeboxHero>: always am
<JukeboxHero>: wait what
<Eric_>: lol
<JukeboxHero>: That's not fair I wasn't paying attention FUCK YOU ERIC |
#308242 (148/182) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+stereo__> if i spend like, $100-$200 on a phone case, fuck if i'm letting it get damaged. i'd put it in another case |
#307979 (311/387) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ymbirtt> !remind 10m pizza
<Ymbirtt> !remind 12m seriously pizza
<Ymbirtt> !remind 20m small black disk
<Ymbirtt> !remind 1h extinguish fire in kitchen |
#114245 (418/524) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Prrrrostata> in the back of national lampoon they had little round stickers that had a picture of a screw on them
* JacklynHyde hoists an eyebrow
<Prrrrostata> you could stick them over the heart on bumperstickers
<Prrrrostata> "I <screw> my german shepard" |
#302203 (546/688) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mio> shinji I AM YOUR FATHER
<Mio> AND MOTHER
<shinji> Go fuck yourself
<shinji> Oh wait |
#35679 (468/588) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<AmishOne> Okay, this is just funny.
<AmishOne> So at notacon, one of the guests was attemping to win the crowd over by saying he would buy us alcohol with his platnium card.
<AmishOne> He was waving it around to make the point.
<AmishOne> I got a picture of this.
<AmishOne> I just realized now that I can read the full card information off of it in my picture. |
#54362 (460/578) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<raela> man today in bio when I was actually paying attention I heard the best owned story
<raela> this girl learned about blood typing and how to do genetic crosses with it
<raela> so she got all excited, went home, and found out her and her parents blood types from her mom
<raela> she then realized there was no way possible her dad was related to her
<raela> or at least, not the father
<raela> it took her awhile to get her mom to admit it >:D |
#56475 (463/585) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+PeterFA> I'm naked.
<+zinx> whoever invented text-only communication
<+zinx> ruled |
#59427 (533/671) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<adam> I need to work on my attention span
<adam> I went to find something to eat
<adam> ended up shaving |
#43688 (532/672) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<RedBeard> should i buy an xbox vga adapter for $75?
<RedBeard> i think i shall buy one.
<Syntacs> You could your TV.
<Hippo> He *could* his TV, Syntacs! That's right!
* Hippo pats Syntacs.
<Syntacs> I don't have time for verbs Hippo. I'm a man of action. I realize this may seem contradictory at first. |
#258093 (592/748) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<The Alchemist> you know
<The Alchemist> wow have been useful for me
<The Alchemist> from time to time, as a wannabe game developer, i feel this urge to make a online game
<The Alchemist> then i check the wow comunity
<The Alchemist> and then i see that if one day i make a online game, will have to deal with those same retards, and the urge goes away |
#301979 (592/746) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<RobTitan> The Chile earthquake was magnitude 8.8 which I think also makes a pretty good emoticon for "I'm in an earthquake." |
#305708 (382/480) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> >lift up faceplate on old laptop's CD-Rom drive, make whole faceplate giant eject button, so the moment you push it in, it sits there, then ejects again
<Pryoidain> >take into small hardware repair shop
<Pryoidain> >hours of amusement
<Alister> ...you didn't.
<Pryoidain> I did
<Alister> you know
<Alister> you are the reason I never want to work support in my life |
#171657 (185/229) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< evitable> i always rather liked badminton
< evitable> except for the time i hit a shuttlecock into a tree
< evitable> then lost a racket trying to get it out
< evitable> lost a rake tryin to get the racket
< evitable> and lost a fucking 2x4 trying to get anything
< evitable> then ruined my pants with sap |
#311421 (69/83) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CaptainJistuce> I am still waging a linguistic battle against that use of the term fixed. Surely an animal works as intended before the procedure, which renders a major subsystem inoperational. They are broken afterwards. |
#32939 (2587/3313) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<goatasaur> what do you call a black guy flying an airplane?
<blah> i refuse to anwser that
<blah> im probably wrong
<goatasaur> a PILOT, you racist |
#19808 (545/687) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<phunqe> I may have a problem
<xav> define "may" :P
<phunqe> Well... I'm painting chairs in my appartment, and 30 minutes ago or something I painted them with this transparent overcoat laque thing.
<phunqe> I think I just sat down on one of them without any clothes.
<xav> Why don't you just stand up then? And let's not talk about that no clothes thingie again ok?
<phunqe> I have a very hairy ass.
<xav> FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN... IT'S DRYING!!!!!
<phunqe> Ok, I'll try...
...
<phunqe> I'm stuck :(
<xav> shit happens :P
<phunqe> I sure hope not now... |
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