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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..26272829303132..599Next> |
#35127 (498/644) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<der-carsten`> tim? no school today?
<Alucard`> it's saturday...
<der-carsten`> no, it's thursday
* Alucard` is now known as Alucard`school |
#51035 (452/584) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Rjx> so guys
<Rjx> i gotta get my computer to the USA somehow
<Rjx> as cheap as possible
<GerbilWrk> wrap it up in a condom and swallow it
<Jimmothy> put it in a condom and swallow it
<Rjx> you two aren't allowed to talk anymore |
#296994 (530/688) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Kat: You should have clocked how long you can hold it.
A V: well
A V: thats at least 90 minutes
A V: i know it was 90 min because i had fucking leekspin playing on loop
Kat: How disappointing
A V: and it clocked 90 minutes.
A V: yes, we fucked to leekspin.
A V: for 90 minutes
A V: and apparently i did well, because the next day, leekspin was her ringtone |
#105985 (1707/2237) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Dio> Was it Jimi Hendrix who said "if I make a mistake, I just keep repeating it, then it's not a mistake any more"?
<Karg> Might well have been Bill Gates. |
#309795 (85/105) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
GeDaMo| What's a moba?
sixthgear| GeDaMo: an RTS game where you control one unit
sixthgear| and be a dick to people online
sixthgear| those are the two main components |
#303811 (315/405) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@[Cadaver]> cops don't have a sense of humor -_-
<@[Cadaver]> so there I was cycling (without lights) on an unlit road in the rain
<@[Cadaver]> I make a small turn and my wheels slide away and fall on my chin.
<@[Cadaver]> cheek is bleeding.
<@[Cadaver]> (and my lips aparently, but I didn't noticed this)
<@[Cadaver]> to prevent blood on my chothing I wipe it away with my hands and continue cycling home
<@[Cadaver]> clothing*
<@[Cadaver]> after a while a cop spots me and stops me
<@[Cadaver]> when he noticed the blood on cheeck/lips and hands he asks me from who it is
<@[Cadaver]> 'the blood of 7 holy virgins' wasn't an acceptable answer :(
<@[Cadaver]> spent 8 hours at the station for blood tests and a conversation with a psychologist |
#308304 (219/279) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< Jan> dude when's the last time I've slept I'm seeing things
< Jan> I mean
< Jan> wait what do you call it when you see with your ears |
#304777 (350/450) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<coxy> Benoit B. Mandelbrot died
<coxy> what did the B. stand for?
<coxy> Benoit B. Mandelbrot
<spartan> thank god he wasn't murdered...
<spartan> would have taken forever to draw the chalk outline |
#224117 (251/323) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Scopes13mtg> Anybody know a good place to buy Russian singles online?
<Scopes13mtg> edit: To clarify, I am looking for Magic cards. |
#305950 (297/381) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+sutol> I'm in a library so I can't look at porn, and for some reason I'd really like to look at porn atm.
<+sutol> Now I just need a way to fap without anyone noticing
<+sutol> Hard, considering I'm in the front row and shit is pretty open
<@Loskene> can anyone else see your computer screen right now
<+sutol> yes
<+sutol> Everyone behind me can
<@Loskene> .f HEY THIS GUY IS HAVING A WANK
<@DEA> _ _ _______ __ _____ _ _ ___ ____
<@DEA> | | | | ____\ \ / / |_ _| | | |_ _/ ___|
<@DEA> | |_| | _| \ V / | | | |_| || |\___ \
<@DEA> | _ | |___ | | | | | _ || | ___) |
<@DEA> |_| |_|_____| |_| |_| |_| |_|___|____/
<@DEA> ____ _ ___ __ ___ ____
<@DEA> / ___| | | \ \ / / |_ _/ ___|
<@DEA> | | _| | | |\ V / | |\___ \
<@DEA> | |_| | |_| | | | | | ___) |
<@DEA> \____|\___/ |_| |___|____/
<@DEA> _ _ ___ _____ _ _ ____ _
<@DEA> | | | | / \ \ / /_ _| \ | |/ ___| / \
<@DEA> | |_| | / _ \ \ / / | || \| | | _ / _ \
<@DEA> | _ |/ ___ \ V / | || |\ | |_| | / ___ \
<@DEA> |_| |_/_/ \_\_/ |___|_| \_|\____| /_/ \_\
<@DEA> __ ___ _ _ _ __
<@DEA> \ \ / / \ | \ | | |/ /
<@DEA> \ \ /\ / / _ \ | \| | ' /
<@DEA> \ V V / ___ \| |\ | . \
<@DEA> \_/\_/_/ \_\_| \_|_|\_\
<+sutol> rude |
#305962 (364/468) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Joh> I had a friend who was crazy
<Joh> Once, randomly, while we were in town he walked up to a man waiting outside a shop and asked him
<Joh> "Hi, I just want to know how well the anti-memory serum worked, can you remember the number your sister told you yesterday?"
<Joh> The man says "I don't have a sister"
<Joh> My friend looks all serious then says "Damn, it worked too well."
<Joh> This man gave him the weirdest look, then my friend walked off. |
#32580 (1719/2255) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@JB> Then had your hard drive exorcised?
<@ThunderClaw> I actually did that once.
<@ThunderClaw> It was a dare.
<@ThunderClaw> I was living in Nebraska,
<@ThunderClaw> and I got called down the street to a particularly computer-illiterate neighbor.
<@ThunderClaw> My buddy Matt dared me to take a look at the computer and deem it infested with demons.
<@ThunderClaw> So I went down there,
<@ThunderClaw> took a look at it (I don't even remember what was wrong),
<@ThunderClaw> and told her that demons had come from the darker regions of Africa and infested her computer.
<@ThunderClaw> SHE BOUGHT IT.
<@ThunderClaw> I took a glass of water,
<@ThunderClaw> blessed it,
<@ThunderClaw> and drew the sign of the cross on her computer a few times,
<@ThunderClaw> and said,
<@ThunderClaw> "IN THE NAME OF LORD JESUS CHRIST, OUR SAVIOR, I COMMAND THEE TO LEAVE THIS WOMAN'S SILICON ABODE AND RETURN TO THE DEPTHS FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!!"
<@ThunderClaw> She paid me 20 bucks and I left.Comment: #voices/darkmyst
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#1484 (430/555) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(SiNs-) $1,599.99
(SiNs-) $1,599.70
(SiNs-) Save $0.29
(SiNs-) wow
(SiNs-) if i go to bestbuy, i can buy a computer AND a peanut |
#311434 (69/83) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<truck> DDT was stopped by police once "why are you here"
<truck> he showed his phone playing ingress
<truck> "I am a network technician, I am scanning this area for wireless problems"
<truck> "ok then"
<truck> police drive off |
#311346 (39/51) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<enkie> a drunk rat trying to pushing a lever for a jello shot is a sight to be seen |
#300635 (590/766) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Sebas> So my parents have an account on my little brother's laptop so they can use it during the week, when he's not at home. Said account is severely restricted using Parental Control.
<Sebas> Giving an ironic new meaning to the term "Parental control." |
#300940 (403/521) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ttvd> wow i wrote "switch wives" instead of "switch views" in email.
<ttvd> response is going to be interesting |
#105156 (190/244) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kefka> Okay seriously
<Kefka> wHAT
<Kefka> Is the point
<Kefka> Of this ignore systsem
<Kefka> -02:57.54- You are currently ignoring <Jouva> and <Jouva> tried to send you a PM: <Jouva> This is a test of the emergency furry system. |
#296072 (402/520) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<keiretsu> today at uni the lecturer was trying to open up his powerpoint presentation
<keiretsu> he opens Powerpoint from the start menu and clicks the Save button at the top (with a blank document currently open)
<keiretsu> while he's navigating around someone tells him that he clicked the save button and he responds "yes, that's to save a file"
<keiretsu> and he navigates to his lecture presentation thingy and double clicks it and it prompts him wiht the "do you wish to overwrite" dialog and he clicks Yes
<keiretsu> and the whole lecture theatre started laughing out loud at him and some guy was shouting "GG"
<surfichris> lol
<keiretsu> he closes powerpoint and navigates to it in windows explorer and double clicks it and it's now a blank document :p |
#310370 (95/121) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<khelp_work> hey folks
<kerin> yo
<khelp_work> hows it going?
<kerin> like it has fallen to me once again to make war against countless unmotivated shit-for-brains assholes who have dedicated every fiber of their mediocre existences to undermining everything i have striven to accomplish
<kerin> it is as though i stand alone in a howling gale of misery and uselessness
<khelp_work> so...mondays?
<kerin> yes
<kerin> you have summarized the situation nicely |
#310212 (82/102) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Bike> When I imagine x86 I imagine a Swiss Family Robinson style treehouse, with parts continually bursting into flame underneath as they build higher and higher on the broken remnants of what they slapped together last week. |
#302416 (43/51) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Vasir: What's tuberculosis?
Psi: A lung disease
Vasir: Ohh, I thought it was an std
Psi: lol, no, it's transferred by coughing, sneezing, stuff like that
Vasir: I thought its when your dick is clogged
Psi: ...
Vasir: ...
Vasir: Is there a disease fitting that description?
Psi: God, I hope not... |
#309512 (78/96) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< elliott> As mentioned in the outline history section a French artillery officer by the name of Nicholas Cugnot (1729-1804) made a steam three-wheeler intended for military use in 1769. This was arguably the first 'motor vehicle' although the small boiler could carry only enough water for a fifteen minute run and the maximum speed was about 4mph.
< elliott> In spite of these limitations on his first road trial of the three wheeler machine, making him arguably the first motorist, M. Cugnot hit a wall, becoming the first motorist to have an accident, and after several more experiments he scored the hat trick by becoming the first person to be arrested and imprisoned for dangerous driving. |
#281474 (335/431) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Loser> what will happen when I tell my parents I'm bi>
<GaidinBDJ> You mother looks at your father and says "You owe me $100"Comment: #fark
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#303208 (429/555) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<GauHelldragon> G-Flex
<GauHelldragon> how many cubic milliliters can you fit in a bathtub
<G-Flex> what is a cubic milliliter
<G-Flex> you're going to have to ask me in units that aren't hyperdimensional |
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