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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..27282930313233..596Next> |
#294521 (459/551) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<&qqhax> guys guys
<&qqhax> this is fucking epic right now
<&qqhax> so, my comcast cable box wasn't working
<&qqhax> so i went into the diagnostic menu to play with the frequencies
<&qqhax> and found the menu that lets you enable the dvr even thought i'm not paying for it
<&qqhax> so anyway
<&qqhax> i enable the dvr and reboot the box
<&qqhax> then go to the dvr menu
<&qqhax> comcast gave me a used box
<&qqhax> that has 120gb
<&qqhax> 64% of it is ppv porn. |
#59275 (459/609) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Nick: Peer Education Network for Information Systems... That is a name our company came up with... they decided not to include the acronym in the e-mail. They just refer to it be it's full name, or PEN for IS. It's fucking PENIS!
Matt: So do you have to attend PENIS?
Brent: Do they need anyone to do computer training? I would like to work for PENIS
Leslie: i have previous experience with PENIS
Brent: I don't need to know about that. |
#50274 (458/600) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Shivra-Aphoditie> I don't want 2 sit here and be insulted!
<Vredig> Then the internet probably isn't for you. |
#296081 (458/578) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<urbex> neat....Niagara Falls is ~12,000 years old
<dopey> what was there 12,001 years ago?
<Bunsen> The interesting thing about Niagara Falls is the way it's been eating its way up the river over those tens of thousands of years.
<Bunsen> When it gets back to Lake Erie, it'll pretty much drain the lake and reduce it to the Erie River.
<niteshad> Bunsen: that'll suck for all those ports along Lake Erie, like Cleveland.
<dopey> niteshad: Not at all. It just means that cleveland can expand north like it has longed to do for ~12,000 years.
<Bunsen> niteshad: If we're not shipping goods in fusion-powered spacecraft by the time it happens, then we suck as a species and deserve the fate of having to build more Cleveland. |
#282392 (458/654) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<sereni> What the hell.
<sereni> It's not my fault the kid came up to my fucking window and stood there for 5 minutes before his parents did anything.
<sereni> Yeah, I have blinds for a reason, but you're a god damn parent for a reason. |
#39214 (458/572) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<The_GGA> But ninjas never lose a fight. They just don't.
<desplesda> what if you've got two teams of ninjas fighting each other? who wins then?
<The_GGA> The ninjas.
<desplesda> you make a good point |
#32419 (458/654) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Shavnir> I missed lunch
<Shavnir> and breakfast
<Shavnir> i'll nuke a pizza then >_<
<Mayseth> Typical American behaviour
<Mayseth> Oh, I missed a meal. I'll just nuke this poor defenseless pizza! |
#31531 (458/610) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<[J|F]> It's freaky when porn has good stereo sound, it feels like I forgot to turn off my speakers and everyone can hear.
<[J|F]> oh shit. |
#52 (458/832) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Tsk> oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
<Tsk> sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard. |
#299982 (457/561) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Cynake> French is a useless language for being angry.
<Cynake> No matter how angry you are, and how hateful the words you say, it still sounds like you're looking at yourself in the mirror and admiring your dress and makeup.
<Cynake> Russian is a great language to swear in if you're understood.
<Cynake> Entry-level Russian swearing starts off with phrases like "Oh rotting whore on my dick"
<Cynake> Instead of "Oh crap"
<lorraine> So romantic.Comment: #trl
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#296954 (457/581) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@robodex> you know what's sad? there's another guy in the GTA with the same name as me. And my name isn't common.
<@robodex> and from what I can tell, he's cooler, better looking and more popular than I am
<@robodex> you know how that feels? It's like one of those movies where you're off trying to stop your evil clone
<@robodex> but in the end, you find out
<@robodex> you're the evil clone |
#74646 (457/671) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@zeleftikam> man, i am so dumb. you know how sometimes food makes a popping sound in the microwave?
<@zeleftikam> well i was microwaving something
<@zeleftikam> and after a minute or so
<@zeleftikam> it made a pop
<@zeleftikam> and im like
<@zeleftikam> ah well
<@zeleftikam> food does that
<@zeleftikam> then it started going fucking crazy with pops
<@zeleftikam> like almost constantly
<@zeleftikam> and i got freaked out and ran over to the microwave
<@zeleftikam> then i remembered i put in popcorn.Comment: #null
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#67259 (457/611) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Evenflow> gotta go clean up now, got a redhead coming tonight who likes to be told what to do ;)
<Ueda> tell her to clean up |
#59329 (457/673) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<psychup2034> i was watching judge judy two weeks ago
<psychup2034> fucking dad and daughter when to court
<psychup2034> because of a broken headlight on a car
<psychup2034> the dad blamed the daughter
<psychup2034> but the daughter said she thinks someone came with something and knocked the headlights in
<psychup2034> judge judy was like do you have any proof
<psychup2034> and the daughter said "we live in a black neighborhood"
<psychup2034> never laughed so hard at court tv |
#47483 (457/615) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Xavier> Aidenn is awesome.
<Xavier> I just went downstairs to put on some tea for her, and she put on some music for me by SSHing into the computer near the kitchen.
<Xavier> that's totally hot.
<Aidenn> I've SSHed my way into Xavier's heart |
#72026 (456/612) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<LPF> sara, are you in a relationship?
<kitchen> lpf must be new.
<sarala> LPF, are you being serious?
<LPF> ...have I missed something here?
<sarala> Rjx is my husband
<kitchen> you're married now?
<Rjx> we're married now? |
#33231 (456/638) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<+milkman`bot> 9. Animal Trivia: The hummingbird is the only bird that can ---------
<@Merlord> fly
<+Yoink> fly |
#31858 (456/686) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Karina> there are two people having mutual masturbation on my bed
<Karina> i'm going to blow.
<Gravity> what?
<Gravity> they're fingering each other on your bed?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> male and female?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and are they both cute?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and you got on here to tell me about it ?
<Karina> yes
<Gravity> and didn't go join?
<Karina> no
<Gravity> If you have two hot people diddling around in your bed, and you're bi, and they're open, and you get on irc to tell someone else about it instad of joining/watching... You might be an addict. |
#60940 (455/623) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> i still wonder why vegetarians aren't more pissed at animals
<@Rjx> i mean your average lion eats far more meat in a day than i do |
#51383 (455/603) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<[Fek]Dragon> go ahead try 2 hack my box i been using linux for 4 years
<[Fek]Dragon> i can hack u with the linux tools right back tho and u can do nuthing
<[PRIEST]> I'm scared, truly.
<[Fek]Dragon> just so u know i have gained access to ur box and am lookin at ur stuff
<[Fek]Dragon> u have alot of stolen music
<[PRIEST]> How did you gain access to my system?
<[Fek]Dragon> i told u i use linux to hack u windows faggets
....
[[Fek]Dragon VERSION reply]: mIRC v6.16 Khaled Mardam-Bey
<[PRIEST]> So I see here from this homework folder your name is Kevin Kowalzyk
<[Fek]Dragon> fuk u im goin to call the fbi
* [Fek]Dragon has quit IRC (Quit:)Comment: One of the other channel lurkers caught his name earlier.
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#26268 (455/623) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right |
#301765 (453/537) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Pong_Ball> I was watching that chemistry.com commercial with a female co-worker in the lounge.
Pong_Ball> They had just gotten through saying that love isn't determined by science and compatibility formulas, that "the world doesn't work that way".
Pong_Ball> Without skipping a beat, we both said "Yes, it does." in complete synchronicity.
Pong_Ball> I'm going on a date with her on Friday. |
#300960 (454/704) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Also, I came up with the best Metal band name ever
Are you ready?
(SEEKING FEMALE KEYBOARDIST!)
That’s it! Parenthesis, seeking female keyboardist, exclamation point, end-parenthesis. That way, every flyer for your show, you’d make whatever band was above you on the flyer seem like total posers.: Imagine the following on a telephone pole near you:
**************************
12/06 at The Pound, all ages:
BIOHAZARD
(SEEKING FEMALE KEYBOARDIST!)
DISCONFORMITY
************************
or:
***********************
12/19 at CBGBs:
SLAYER
(SEEKING FEMALE KEYBOARDIST!)
NILE
DEATHCOOCH DEBACLE
SOCIOPATHIC REMRANT
*********************** |
#300375 (454/638) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<jspath> woohoo perl 5.10 and // !
<abryan> hey jim are you using the // operator?
<abryan> I've been avoiding using any 5.10 features... but I guess we can start since we're running it most everywhere now
<ben_alman> i use the // operator in javascript
<ben_alman> whenever i encounter some of jim's code
<ben_alman> i just use that operator and everything works again |
#57867 (454/618) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off... |
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