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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..25262728293031..596Next> |
#108496 (476/578) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Dexi: dude
Dexi: i feel stupid
Dexi: my friend put down "C" for every answer on the ACT...
Dexi: and scored higher than me |
#30860 (476/708) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<wild-> a priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar
<wild-> and that's just the first guy
<wild-> hayoooooooooooooo |
#302082 (475/699) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Kolin> just googled myself and my dad no longer comes before me
<rye`sky> it's more romantic if you come at the same time
<Kolin> thats sick |
#297172 (475/627) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<foxygrl> so me and my girlfriend were thinking of coming out together, to each others' parents
<hulachick> wait, marissa?
<foxygrl> kristen??
<foxygrl> holy shit i didn't even realize it...
<hulachick> yeah, weird isn't it...
<foxygrl> ......
<foxygrl> ...wanna cyber? |
#141301 (474/756) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< grey> So I had an idea today
< grey> of something that could amuse me, if only because I know out there somewhere, someone else would laugh
< grey> I want to get an ebay username of something creepy, like "WatchingU.P", then buy stuff like a telescope or pinhole camera, then leave feedback like "A+++, Fast Shipping, You should get that mole checked!" |
#53924 (474/618) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<triavox> :( i just missed an oppurtunity for being laid and got slapped in the face instead. anyone want to hear about it so they can humiliate me with their laughter?
<mj_> hahahah triavox
<SuperJuan> hell yeah
<triavox> this chick from my old high school came to my door at 8:30 asking if she could borrow a bar of soap(btw she lives like two BUILDINGS down from me so im thinking 'wtf is she doing all the way over here asking to borrow a bar of soap??"). so im like "uh yeah sure one second, wait out here".
<triavox> so i get the soap and give it to her, she goes "thanks" and just stands there. im like standing there.. my mind is blank. so im like "ok." and close the door. ten seconds later she knocks again and gives me back the soap and shouts "GET A CLUE DUDE!" so im says "what the hell you talkin about?" and she just laughs and walks away. only NOW do i get it, and i feel like breaking something. |
#31807 (473/615) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<[NCA]Spank> I was pretty dumb about computers.
<[NCA]Spank> Then I learned you could get porn on them.
<[NCA]Spank> 3 years later I'm a system administrator. |
#301221 (473/613) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ccr> the thing about JVM is that it will almost never free memory it has once allocated from host. it has, at least historically, been a mistake to run anything else than one Java-based service per server instance.
<Chainsaw> Indeed. The memory allocation strategy of Java can be described in 3 words.
<Chainsaw> Nom nom nom. |
#176291 (473/623) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pyro> my desk is complete I think
<Chroder> i cant believe it took you 3 days to build an ikea desk |
#115245 (472/652) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<riker> hey, do you know what the shortest sentence in english is?
<hazer> No.
<riker> thanks |
#102516 (472/722) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< fydo> i wish i had a kitty :/
< grelli> fydo: our friends across the hall have kittys
< grelli> it's the best plan ever
< grelli> we visit and play with them
< gaius> we play surgeonComment: "gaius" is a bot that randomly says things.
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#61284 (472/642) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Rod> that would be a great scientific experiement
<Rod> get 100 muslims and 100 christians. tell them each to say "the lord will protect me!" and jump off a building
<Rod> religion with the highest number of survivors wins
<Rod> if survivors tie at 0, pick 2 more religions, repeat. |
#56416 (472/570) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<DietPop> ahahha my neighbor is a dumbass
<DietPop> a couple weeks ago he was getting ready to bbq and i was outside walking my dog, and i saw him putting lighter fluid on it
<DietPop> i'm looking at him and i say "doug i think you're using too much lighter fluid on that grill"
<DietPop> he's like "well the charcoal is moist from the rain last month so i need more fluid on it"
<DietPop> i could have told him that it'd probably do fine, but instead i said "yeah, you're probably right"
<DietPop> i think he finished off the bottle, strikes a match..
<DietPop> the next thing i see is a good sized fireball which singes most of the hair on his head
<DietPop> he freaks out and knocks over the grill...spills out on the lawn and the lawn catches on fire
<DietPop> i'm laughing so hard i could barely run over there and hose him and the lawn down
<DietPop> best day ever
<DietPop> to top it off, yesterday he brought home a new propane grill |
#54654 (472/644) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hax> my boss just told a client his domain was "taken by korean cyber pirates"
<hax> we were on speaker phone with a client
<hax> and i toally lost it
<hax> then my boss yelled at me for laughing
<hax> and i told him "listen, if you're going to tell me korean cyber pirates pillaged his domain, i'm going to laugh"
<hax> "and try not to do it while i'm drinking a coke next time" |
#54322 (472/604) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Stereo``> you know
<Stereo``> maybe the statistics faculty is not the best group of people to play poker withComment: #geekissues
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#52103 (472/660) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sp3cial> haha, I was at Big W earlier and they had one of those display PC's running
<Sp3cial> it didn't have a mouse, but it had a keyboard.
<Sp3cial> my keyring is a USB pen drive.
<Sp3cial> long story short, WMP is now looping a 19 year old virgin getting pounded by a large tentacle monster.
<Sp3cial> and to make it worse, I unplugged the keyboard. |
#212748 (471/613) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<souphiee>: k
<souphiee>: on the application it says "how long are you planning to work here"
<souphiee>: should i just write "as long as you'll have me"?
<frenchie218>: no
<frenchie218>: write "UNTIL THE RAPTURE" |
#35401 (471/655) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
«XAnimal» I can fist my own throat
«SilentB» There is no emoticon to describe the horror of what you just said. |
#15920 (471/614) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+kmad> whats the best way to get vaseline off your dick
<@BigJesus> sand paper
<+royceda59> lol
<+kmad> fuck you, not fallign for that again |
#76659 (470/652) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Ho0chie> i had awesome nerd moment with flat mate earlier.....
<@Ho0chie> ...he threw me a packet of crisps and they fell on the floor...we looked at each other and he said 'oh man, packet loss' |
#61194 (469/609) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<code> i'm not wearing any pants.
<mittens> I've been drinking for almost seven straight hours!
<Syntacs> The last two lines are a recipe for disaster. |
#13077 (470/597) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
corner (19:08:21): how tall is a standard guillotine?
Andrick (19:08:33): This still concerns you?
corner (19:08:39): yeah, I really want to build one
corner (19:08:47): I have short ceilings
corner (19:08:51): I wanna make sure I can keep it in my apt
Andrick (19:09:00): I have to admit that I never have committed that number to memory.
Andrick (19:09:06): But I can tell you they are *tall*.
corner (19:09:15): maybe I can make a kid's version?
Andrick (19:09:30): That is probably a wonderfully poor choice of words. |
#305813 (469/593) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Dr_Pressure> Q: How can you tell if somebody owns an Apple product?
<Dr_Pressure> A: Don't worry, they'll tell you. |
#92689 (468/770) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Therrol> I just send something to robyn that I did not mean to
<Allison> well depending on what it is it may not matter
<Allison> or it really could result in a mess..
<Therrol> I told her I was going to kill her and have sex with her eyesockets
<Allison> every time that goes through my head it just gets worse |
#60930 (468/644) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Greenbox> the place i ordered chicken parmesan from forgot the chicken
<Greenbox> so instead of calling and complaining, like a normal person would
<Greenbox> I used asterisk and called them from the number of the department of health
<Greenbox> and told them a random screening of their food had just been conducted, and they failed miserably
<Greenbox> so they were ordered not to serve food until an inspection later today
<Ignite> ROFL
<Kevin> rofl
<Ignite> hahahahahhaha
<Kevin> <3 GreenboxComment: #controlthesystem on irc.xelix.net
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