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#35843 (486/670) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Akujin watches porn
<Akasha> aku are you ALWAYS watchin porn?
<Akujin> When your neighbor is a 21 year old chick who masturbates with the blinds open, then yesComment: irc.starfusion.org
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#16372 (486/608) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Cyberllam> I want to get a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I am doing an excellant job driving." Then I can cut people off and they won't know what to do. |
#92959 (485/865) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<matt> i had chinese food last night
<matt> it wasn't that good
<matt> so then i go to the bathroom this morning
<matt> and, after a less-than-pleasant experience
<matt> the toilet overflows when i flush.
<matt> so, my first thought is "oh SHIT"
<matt> then my second thought is "heh, yeah, shit, like literally too"
<matt> but then my third thought:
<matt> java.lang.ToiletOverflowError;
<matt> yeah
<matt> i hated myself too |
#308688 (484/596) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<^_^> I thought you didn't use B in Finnish?
<Bill> The thought of that makes me ill
<^_^> the thought of what
<Bill> Not having a B |
#170 (484/706) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[@smcn] like #bearcave. you wouldn't expect it to be a gay channel. YOU WOULD EXPECT IT TO BE A CHANNEL ABOUT BEARS WOULDN'T YOU |
#128655 (483/763) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Kitty> I'm not a vegetarian because I like animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. |
#44549 (483/595) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
ExiledFromLight: hahahaha
ExiledFromLight: omfg
Xenophoribic: What?
ExiledFromLight: i was showing my mom some shirts that i was looking at on jinx.com
ExiledFromLight: and she say Carpe Noctem - Seize the Night
ExiledFromLight: and of course jinx is a site for geeks/gamers
ExiledFromLight: and she wanted it, but in white. it only came in black
ExiledFromLight: so im like "geeks dont wear white, it stains too easily"
ExiledFromLight: so she looks at me and says "those stains show up on black too"
Xenophoribic: XD
Xenophoribic: Your mom owned you, man.. Congratulations |
#22 (483/1020) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<`Xenocide> Bolstered by the state of Kansas' recent measure removing the requirement for the teaching of evolution in public schools, yesterday afternoon the Mississippi legislature passed a bill eliminating fractions and decimal points from the mathematics curriculum of all public secondary schools in the state. |
#297080 (482/564) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> I had this terrible sinus infection once, all the mucus, the works
<Pryoidain> Well at some point, between all the antihistamines, I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to snort a crapton of Instant coffee.
<Pryoidain> Now for those of you who don't know, ANY moisture will turn instant coffee, into actual coffee.
<Pryoidain> I became a human percolator for like, an hour an a half.
<asaph> ....You need to do one of those "This is what happens when you do drugs" commercials.
<asaph> Half the country would go sober 24 hours after it hit air. |
#31330 (482/634) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Jim_McNeat> Is there like a way to put a compiler in "Just trust me on that one" mode? |
#303515 (481/653) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
&Akensai: i just brutally slaughtered some russian asshat
&Akensai: called me an elephant penis in russian
&Akensai: so i let him know i could understand russian
&Akensai: by calling him 2 week old moldy dick juice
&Akensai: now we're friends. |
#301880 (481/591) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<gmaxwell> I wouldn't be surprised if the net effect of the "don't pirate" notice is to cause a lot of people to think "wait— I could have gotten this for free?" |
#237754 (481/591) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Technocactus> So me and Will are walking down the street
<Technocactus> And we see some German chicks chilling
<Technocactus> Will knows a bit of German, so he agrees to give me some lines to say
<Technocactus> Meant to be shit like "You're looking good"
<Technocactus> Fucker got me to say in German "I'd marry any of you except the fat one"
<Technocactus> So now I got this handprint on my face where the fat girl slapped me :\ |
#83969 (480/588) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Karg> I had a buddy once who thought it'd be real cool to huff glue.
<Karg> He was standing like in the middle of our group and he's like "hey guys, check this shit!"
<Karg> So he gets this glue.
<Karg> On the first huff he squeezes the bottle and ends up gluing his nose shut.
<Karg> Funniest hospital visit ever. |
#44984 (480/680) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
auslander: i think we can all agree I'm the smartest one here
megaL: your IQ is like 1. im a million time smarter
s1r: a million times 1 is still one, asshole |
#244345 (479/553) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
SeanieG123: so we have to make this cartoon thing for Oedipus in english right?
SeanieG123: i'm trying to decide if a "mommy and me" photo album would be crossing a line |
#50729 (479/669) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
thewhathewhat: I understand how scissors can beat paper, and i get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no fucking way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why cant paper do this to people? Why arents sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper cant beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When i play rock/ paper/ scissors, i always choose rock. Then, when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "oh shit, im sorry, I thought paper would protect you." |
#35671 (479/697) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
WhupAs101: Hi ev
WhupAs101: ery
WhupAs101: one
WhupAs101: Wow
WhupAs101: Beer makes typing an adventure |
#10739 (479/626) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Spoon casts Wall of Silence
*** Spoon sets mode: +m
<Goku> why?
<Spoon> Because exo went insane
<Goku> no, he just brought his insanity up to another level
* Sentinel checks..
*** Sentinel sets mode: -m
<exogen> THERE'S BUTTER ON MY FACE!
*** Sentinel sets mode: +m |
#8814 (479/613) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you. |
#294948 (477/639) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Mom: thanks to your status message, you can say good nite to the internet
*** Auto-response sent to Mom: I'm busy because my mom's being a nazi. Sieg Heil. |
#142941 (477/631) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mgregory> Setting IE to 'secure' is a lot like putting on your seatbelt in a crashing plane |
#41979 (477/651) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ToiletDuck> Leaving Montreal for Quebec, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road.
<ToiletDuck> As I go in the washroom the first stall is taken so I go in the second stall.
<ToiletDuck> As I sit down I hear a voice from the next stall...
<ToiletDuck> "Hi there, how is it going?"
<FTW> .....okay
<ROFLcopta> riiiiihgt
<ToiletDuck> I'm not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to do so finally I say: "Not bad..."
<ToiletDuck> The voice says: "So, what are you doing?"
<ToiletDuck> Talk about your dumb questions.
<ROFLcopta> ...
<ToiletDuck> I am starting to find this a bit weird, but I say: "Well, I'm just going to the bathroom, then I'm going back east..."
<ToiletDuck> Then I hear the person say all flustered:
<ToiletDuck> "Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question - this idiot in the next stall answers me..." |
#31893 (477/629) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<HiddenGenius> dude, my microwave just cooked a frozen hot pocket in like 40 seconds
<HiddenGenius> my mom is freaking out, she made us take the microwave outside and now she's making us get tested for cancer
<HiddenGenius> I can't stop laughing |
#139339 (476/790) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Iced_Plasma> I was at work at the retirement community
<Iced_Plasma> and some old guy is talking to me about religion
<Iced_Plasma> and he looks aty me and says
<Iced_Plasma> "When do you think Jesus will come?"
<Iced_Plasma> and I said
<Iced_Plasma> "When he climaxes"
<Iced_Plasma> and he just stared at me in shock and rage |
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