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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..22232425262728..596Next> |
#23912 (508/661) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Alfador> 103. What is the fear of light known as ?
<DeeCee> liteophobia
<pentium166> sunophobia
<Shrubey> irc |
#31905 (507/887) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<FlintDB> OMG EW
<FlintDB> I just saw my brothers dick )=
<Rampage> And we needed to know this?
<icy_1> what, he turned the light on?
<Krhl> is it bigger than yours?
<CoB> thats a neat trick
<CoB> he must have one of those ass cameras
<FlintDB> god
<FlintDB> my brothers cock is HUGE
<Blue_Sky> wtf
<Rampage> .....yea
*** Ironballs changed topic to [23:33] <FlintDB> im a man fan <FlintDB> my brothers cock is HUGE
<FlintDB> fucking shit
<FlintDB> whole topic is gonna be me posting gay shit
<Ironballs> its not like we're making quotes up
<FlintDB> yer pulling them out of someones ass!
<icy_1> pulling them out of your ass, along with your brothers cock |
#271579 (506/668) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sharq> I was at work one day with my fellow temps at an IT job, fairly menial work for someone in IT, such as OS upgrades on old hardware...
<Sharq> Anyways, one day we were discussing our wages, considering the fact that they probably knew we were accomplishing dick-all in our hole in the wall while roaming the internet unmonitored using our admin privileges.
<Sharq> That's when I thoughtfully declared that they were not in fact paying us for our work. I pointed out that we worked with no supervision, limited accountability and no job security (we were done working there as soon as the project's time-table finished).
<Sharq> With this in mind I argued this point while gesticulating wildly at a pile of over a hundred freshly unpacked and reformatted laptops worth over $200,000...
<Sharq> They were in fact just bribing us not to steal shit. |
#61188 (506/650) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<NoelCower> Before you is a pie. There is a door leading to the east.
<Wiebo> > take pie
<NoelCower> You take the pie, storing it in your anus.
<Wiebo> > e
<NoelCower> The door is locked.
<Wiebo> > die
<NoelCower> You die with a pie up your ass. You should have examined it -- there was a key in it. |
#301376 (505/649) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<slashproc> Oh, I was thinking AOL 9.1
<slashproc> ever run into anyone actually using it?
<argosy> Yes. Then I backed up and ran over them again.Comment: #css on Efnet
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#292618 (505/897) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* CHOzen1 has joined #wow
<CHOzen1> i’m systematically stuffing grapenuts cereal into the head of my erect penis. i’m going to attempt to jack off, have my load mix with the grapenuts, and shoot a granola bar out when i cum
* CHOzen1 has left #wow
<+Sohcahtoa> What the FUCK!? |
#216681 (505/771) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Colin: So I saw this really hot chick in a bar and I'm thinking man I gotta talk to her. Then i saw she had a black eye and thought, damn, shes taken.
Mike: Looks like someone beat ya to it. |
#297297 (504/624) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
atari2600a: I need help
atari2600a: what tastes better, Oriental flavored Murchan Ramen, or Roast Beef Top Ramen?
dixon: I prefer oriental.
dixon: Roast beef just tastes kinda bland to me. Oriental has a nice soy-ish flavor.
atari2600a: thanks
atari2600a: I knew I could count on a group of programmers to help me with my ramen-based dilemma
atari2600a: <3
***atari2600a has left ##programming |
#106854 (504/724) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Hanazawa> so it's my mom's birthday on the 26th, and I want to see a band called The Birthday Massacre on the 27th, so my schedule looks like "mom's birthday / birthday massacre?"
<Cecil_Harvey> :I
<Hanazawa> and this amuses me |
#34236 (504/660) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<unchellmatt> weewoo: I had a spammer pissed at me for reporting her "Free Psychic Readings" mailings and getting her shut down. She flames me with "If you didn't want the mail, why didn't you just reply and ask to be removed?!?!"
<unchellmatt> I replied "You're the fucking psychic.... YOu figure it out" |
#301119 (503/649) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
xoebus: *sigh* One of my flatmates just asked "Where is Admiral Ackbar from?", I replied "Mon Calamari". He then said "No which series, Star Trek or Star Wars or something else; you fucking geek."
xoebus: I feel loved.Comment: #inf2, irc.imaginarynet.org.uk
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#163702 (503/603) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dexi> is it bad that I kinda maybe sorta have a little crush on this cute adorable funny goth chick with upwards of 37 piercings?
<Tiel> ...
<Dexi> a new one every week
<Tiel> and what attracts you to her?
<Tiel> did you swallow a magnet? |
#87350 (503/609) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Dexi: I found this auction on eBay...
Dexi: "Learn how to earn over $500 a day with this system!"
Dexi: Starting bid: $557.00
Grim: ...lmao
Dexi: I think might know what the system is... ;) |
#78993 (503/697) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sanguini> Dear Sir/Madam,
<Sanguini> You are a lucky winner in our "Win a Tomahawk Cruise Missile" competition.
<Sanguini> Please send us your GPS coordinates to claim your prize. |
#57407 (503/669) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SC> holy fucking shit today sucked
<da_boot> why? beer_supply:Boolean == false?
<SC> No not that. Some family was staying here till' they move out.
<SC> They have a pet mouse. Long story short, pet mouse escapes...
<SC> Pet mouse wonders into the bowels of my HP K Class server (a 6x SMP machine, ~150kg).
<SC> SC turns on K Class mainframe. Mainframe spins up EBM Blower turbines.
<SC> Mainframe complains that the rear blower is under-speed.
<da_boot> omfg
<SC> No more mouse. Just gibblets. Nice, juicy giblets. Family isn't too happy with me ;_;, death by HP mainframe. |
#310406 (500/546) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@pronto> Last night my friend asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book.
<@pronto> The future is stupid. |
#56383 (501/669) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<psych> Gah.
<psych> !8ball Why won't my fucking email send?!
<ChanServ> psych: Outlook not good.
<psych> ... |
#51285 (501/767) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Retro> THE MIRACLE OF CELL DIVISION
<Retro> o
<Retro> 0
<Retro> 8
<Retro> oo |
#303089 (499/625) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Iridium> it's funny
<Iridium> I saw that there's an article on the NYT about how we can't focus anymore with all this multitasking
<Iridium> so I opened it in a new tab and went to finish reading my other RSS items
<Iridium> and then checked email, and facebook
<Iridium> and am updating you all here
<Iridium> and ten minutes later just realized I haven't looked at the article yet. =/ |
#296857 (500/620) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Pandy strokes Toolmaker
<Pandy> oh god
<Pandy> i have a story
<Pandy> a rl story
<Pandy> a friend of mine got robbed in january, he came home to find this scummy dundee junkie taking his xbox and some other stuff from his flat
<Pandy> so naturally he tried to block the door so the guy couldn't leave
<Pandy> the guy then ran into his kitchen and got a knife and waved it around
<Pandy> so he just let the guy go and then called the cops and they came over and found the guy waiting for a bus round the corner with all his stuff
<Pandy> so anyway
<Pandy> turns out this guy pleaded not guilty
<Pandy> so it went to court
<Pandy> last week
<Pandy> my friend didn't really get why
<Pandy> but
<Pandy> the story that the robber came up with
<Pandy> was that my friend met him at a bus stop and asked him to come back to his flat and he would pay him 40 quid to wank him off
<Evil STEVE> loooooooooooooool
<Pandy> and then apparently my friend forgot that he had no money
<Pandy> so he gave him some stuff from his flat
<Pandy> instead
<Pandy> including his xbox and a kitchen knife
<Pandy> and there was a jury and shit
<Pandy> and the guy got put away for 3 years
<Pandy> BUT
<dcower> rofl
<Pandy> it was a majority verdict
<Pandy> so at least one dundee juror thinks my friend pays scummy dundee neds for handjobs
<Pandy> he was like :(
Evil STEVE laughs out loud
<Pandy> and even worse this class of students were in the court on day one
<Pandy> when the robber was being cross examined
<Pandy> so they heard all of his hilarious handjob story
Toolmaker si roolign on teh florr laugihrng @ Pandy to hard t0 stpo!111!!111
<Pandy> then never came back the next day to hear the verdict |
#299753 (499/635) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Reilithion> If yhou make a typo, like I just did, it's because somewhere on the net, someone else also made a typo of the opposite nature. In this case, somebody is missing an 'h' somewhere in one of their messages.
<bomb> wow, tat's an interesting theory |
#47368 (498/674) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Tycho> AND I HOPE YOU ALL CHOKE AND DIE
<Tycho> except you War
<Warmachine> :D
<Tycho> I HOPE YOU DROWN
<WarMachine> oh :( |
#35127 (498/644) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<der-carsten`> tim? no school today?
<Alucard`> it's saturday...
<der-carsten`> no, it's thursday
* Alucard` is now known as Alucard`school |
#70993 (496/720) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@TheWickerMan> God damn, this one halloween last year. Some kid came up to our house.
<@TheWickerMan> Now this is the kind of kid who's constantly cursing, throwing fits about nothing, hitting his parents/siblings, complaning about everything, and just acts like an all-around douchebag.
<@TheWickerMan> I gave the kid like 3 fun sized M&Ms and he just yells to me, "NO FAG I WANTED THE TWIX INSTEAD YOU DUMBASS."
<@TheWickerMan> I replied back with "I'm sure your mother didn't want you either, but we can't all have our ways now can we?." |
#35085 (496/676) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rjx> my mom wrote out her shopping list and stuck it on the door
<Rjx> and my older brother in identical handwriting wrote "buy magnets" at the bottom
<Rjx> and now she's confused because she can't remember why she wanted to buy magnets |
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