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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..21222324252627..596Next> |
#305607 (521/623) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(fahadsadah) BT Openreach engineers are issued a booklet, entitled "Get it right first time"
(fahadsadah) Telling them how annoying faults are.
(fahadsadah) The current one says, on the front, "Get it right first time, Second Edition". |
#305793 (520/618) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jenni> i should apparently empty my sofa more often
<jenni> i found a laptop i didn't remember i owned |
#307481 (519/637) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sebas> butts
<Erasmus> butts
<Sebas> butts
<Erasmus> butts
<Erasmus> Sometimes I feel like we're not using the Internet to its full potential. |
#115600 (517/633) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<D-side> tbo: yeah, something like 20% of students who responded to the survey said they would give up the right to vote permenantly if they were given an ipod touch.
<D-side> know what i say to that?
<D-side> BUY THEM IPODS |
#294912 (516/712) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<root> I think my mouth just had an orgasm
<Shayne> Did you swallow?
<root> ... |
#225287 (516/716) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<T1gger> I just screwed up severely...
<T1gger> I brought a girl (a big girl) home and it went further than it should have...
<T1gger> Her arse is gone now, but how do I let her down gently?
<deNYEd> forklift. |
#144151 (516/876) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<abc> I think it's time to switch to a new job.
<Wizard> why?
<lifesazoo> piss poor excuse for a wizard .. a real wizard would just know |
#89678 (516/782) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<JMGonk> Seriously though, and this has bugged me for years, why aren't there robots constantly roaming the halls of CSC?
<JMGonk> We're the Computing Science department for fucks sake, WE SHOULD HAVE ROBOTS
<Digital> I am fully supportive of patrols by 7 foot tall laser-wielding tankbots with unmatched firepower and strength.
<rstoski> Someone would steal them?
<Digital> If you try and steal it, it communicates with nearby tankbots via 802.11g to plan and coordinate a tactical strike employing lethal force.
<Digital> We shall rule CSC by fear!
<rstoski> 802.11g? Digital, you're living in the past; 802.11n Draft 2.
<Digital> no, best to stay away from drafts until they're finalized. Otherwise, our current generation of kill-bots might not interoperate with future revisions.Comment: *sigh* nerds
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#16247 (516/745) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<teresa> how is your meeting
<msd> well
<msd> we got off topic
<msd> and everyone is now looking at porn |
#118721 (515/633) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
ElGarlic: Spending your life waiting for the messiah to come save the world is like waiting around for the straight piece to come in Tetris.
ElGarlic: Even if it comes, by that time you've accumulated a mountain of shit so high that you're fucked no matter what you do. |
#9 (515/1293) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<cooksii> incest is at least something the whole family can do. |
#295274 (514/638) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Yorokobi> I saw a great license plate frame and license plate today. The frame: What would Jesus do? The plate: JWRTFMComment: #ubuntu-us-ut on freenode
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#309350 (512/540) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Proview_> freshman year of college, i'm like... oh, yeah, im going to try and be leet and install gentoo. try loading it frmo a flash drive, 20 minutes later, my HDD was erased, my external 2 TB drive was erased, AND THE FLASH DRIVE gentoo came on was erased
<Proview_> i had to email all of my professors and tell them "i tried installing gentoo and now i have nothing left. my work will be late"
<Proview_> my comp sci professors just responded with "understandable" |
#31900 (512/736) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<LuminuS> everything you like = gay
<SniperGuy> i like you LuminuSComment: irc.mikernet.org
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#31885 (512/658) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* ChanServ sets mode: +o TheArgus
<TheArgus> HELO
<Sofie> hey hottie!
<TheArgus> ?
<TheArgus> you've seen my pic?
<Sofie> no...
<Sofie> hehe
<TheArgus> So you're one of those internet sluts that hits on random guys in order to boost your self esteem when they desperately flirt with you in hopes of getting a blurry webcam pic of your cleavage?
<ravaillac> Smooth, TheArgus, very smooth.
<TheArgus> I AM A LADIES MAN |
#30511 (512/786) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[Eticam] I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
[Eticam] And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
[Eticam] When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
[Eticam] Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
[Eticam] The girl started crying and left class |
#162336 (511/839) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<aq> are you using Adium still?
<ChrisKite> When I use OS X
<ChrisKite> but right now OS X is wiped from my iMac
<ChrisKite> lol
<ChrisKite> I just have XP
<aq> :|
<aq> That's like an exorcism gone wrong!
<aq> It's like you tried to cast out the demons, but accidentally cast out the soul instead... |
#78156 (511/731) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Pan Man 120: wow she is pretty hot
Pan Man 120: i'd hit that so hard the person who could pull me out would be the next king of england |
#57141 (511/691) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Halbred> I still remember the storys my grandfather told me about when he was in WW2, and when they stormed auswichts.
<Kurai> auschwitz.
<Kurai> i'd say "grammar nazi", but that'd be in bad taste. |
#247654 (510/748) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<joseph321> hey guys can i ask a question?
<Stueh> Shoot
<joseph321> my girlfriend hasnt had her period in like 4 months do you think somethings wrong?
<Stueh> Erm ... you sure she's not pregnant?
<joseph321> yeah shes 4 months pregnant
<DanceNigga|Work> You can't be serious
<Stueh> Kid, it's not too late for an abortion, you know that right? |
#149797 (508/810) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<PSOAddict> ugh. I even have all of the requisite social skills to be liked, according to wikipedia.Comment: #xkcd
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#60302 (509/661) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Babushka> i have to piss
<nash> then go piss :P
<Babushka> i can't
<nash> why not
<Babushka> because...there's a baby spider that is using my right pant's leg as a mooring for his web...i don't want to ruin his work
<nash> ahhaha
<Babushka> i haven't left this seat for nearly three hours. i better have a damn good excuse for my husband when he gets home and asks why the fuck i pissed myself |
#58822 (509/623) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
richienumerouno: so i thought i lost my wallet but it turns out i just had someone elses pants on
richienumerouno: how can something like that happen |
#112827 (508/638) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[carbine] My manager has a shortcut to "Show Desktop" on her desktop.. |
#35322 (508/730) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CherryBomb> haha somebody was suspended from school for bringing a cookie
<dash> what kind of cookie
<CherryBomb> peanut butter
<dash> why the suspension then?
<CherryBomb> because he apparently threatened histeacher with it
<CherryBomb> who was allergic to itComment: haha.
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