|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..19202122232425..596Next> |
#58069 (550/696) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<shinakuma> what res do i have if i have 1280x1024
<kaiser_justus> shinakuma: what kind of fruit do i have if i have a lemon?
<shinakuma> i dont' know what
<shinakuma> lime?
<shinakuma> kaiser what is the answer
<shinakuma> oh citrus fruitComment: #kawaii-radio !
|
#197642 (549/719) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Foxhill> lmfao @ a debt collection agency agreeing to my offer of paying off 8086.98 in monthly installments of a pound
<Foxhill> "final repayment month - November 2694"
<Foxhill> and thats WITHOUT interest |
#80875 (549/875) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<%FreePlay> they seriously think that the Bible can answer every single goddamn question you ever have
<%FreePlay> I say, fuck that
<%FreePlay> if you want to limit your god to a single book, be my guest
<%FreePlay> go ahead and place limits on God, you arrogant know-it-all pricks
<+acme64> even lord of the rings was 3 books |
#30518 (549/685) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kristy> i remember new years eve, 2000, everyone had their computers off because they were afraid they would blow up cause of y2k, and my boyfriend was begging me to have sex with him. and i was like "look at my ping! i am not going to get a 70 ping any other night! go watch tv and stop interrupting my tribes!!" |
#299911 (548/648) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< koala_man> after some future breakthroughs in robotics, but before the price has gone down, there is likely to be robotic brothels
< mawlipe> robot sex? that's scary.
< koala_man> I know, that's what I thought
< koala_man> but according to my calculations, a condom of normal thickness has a dielectric strength of at least 780V
< koala_man> meaning if the robot runs on mains and shorts out, you're still protected with a margin of nearly 500V
< mawlipe> .....not what I meant. |
#302203 (546/688) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Mio> shinji I AM YOUR FATHER
<Mio> AND MOTHER
<shinji> Go fuck yourself
<shinji> Oh wait |
#301509 (545/661) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<t0mato> anyone here knows how fast will my computer run after a registry cleaning?
<x5ga> We have a formula to calculate the percentage of speed gained
<x5ga> (E*c/100)*a
<x5ga> E is the number of errors cleaned
<x5ga> c is the number of cores your CPU has
<x5ga> a is 0 |
#19808 (545/687) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<phunqe> I may have a problem
<xav> define "may" :P
<phunqe> Well... I'm painting chairs in my appartment, and 30 minutes ago or something I painted them with this transparent overcoat laque thing.
<phunqe> I think I just sat down on one of them without any clothes.
<xav> Why don't you just stand up then? And let's not talk about that no clothes thingie again ok?
<phunqe> I have a very hairy ass.
<xav> FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN... IT'S DRYING!!!!!
<phunqe> Ok, I'll try...
...
<phunqe> I'm stuck :(
<xav> shit happens :P
<phunqe> I sure hope not now... |
#297468 (544/778) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<jaska_> A scientist wants to reduce my body temperature to minus 273 degrees Celsius
<jaska_> My wife says it'll kill me, but I think I'll be 0K |
#162518 (544/712) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Raws> that was epic
<Raws> so I called western union, right
<Raws> and I get this texan lady on the phone with a long drawl
<Raws> shes all like "you are aware that this is probably a fraud you stupid effing moron" and I just say
<Raws> "don't worry ma'am"
<Raws> "I'm from the internet"
<Raws> it just came out of my mouth
<sboob> LMFAO
<Raws> she just said "ok" |
#77329 (544/684) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<jsz`> "Since version 2.0, AIM has included person-to-person text messaging, chatroom messaging, and the ability to share files peer-to-peer with one's buddies."
<jsz`> i guess before version 2.0 it didnt do anything |
#302377 (543/673) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Umm> Sorry, had to eject a stoner from the house
<Umm> Fuckhead managed to bust a door, though
<Navier> ...?
<Umm> Claimed to be "fixing" a door that was broken into being closed
<Umm> He managed to break it into being open
<Einar> why was there a stoner IN your house?
<Umm> I don't know
<Einar> You should call the police
<Einar> Real life is not video games. Having strange people wander in, dig through your stuff, and attempting to solve door-opening puzzles does not indicate they're saving the world.Comment: nightstar.net
|
#294875 (543/713) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Pyro> I turn on GTA IV
<Pyro> steal a police cruiser
<Pyro> and sit around and watch for traffic violations
<Pyro> then I pull them over
<Pyro> and shoot them in the face
<Chroder> i think that's the modern version of pulling-legs-off-frogs
<Chroder> you're gonna be a serial killer |
#209693 (543/695) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<shidobu> oh god, I feel like I'm in elementary school
<shidobu> the building management just informed us that there's going to be a firedrill on friday morning
<shidobu> and in exchange for our cooperation, there will be icecream waiting outside the building
<rumblerob> if all your coworkers have perfect attendance do they get a pizza party?
<shidobu> I can only hope |
#32633 (543/785) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<fred> sorry if i disappointed you, people have told me my penis is small before
<fred> FUCK WRONG WINDOW SHIT FUCK BALLS
<fred> if any of you bastards send that to bash ill kill you |
#97516 (540/748) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<CTho> i really think NOAA should have called "National Weather Service" "Atmospheric Research Center" instead.
<CTho> then, you could get your weather forecasts from NOAA's ARC |
#409 (540/732) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4 |
#262694 (539/755) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@terminal> dell guy is here replacing some hardware in a server
<@terminal> dude fucking smacks his head in to the power button of another server and takes it down |
#31565 (539/709) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
<Seven7> Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession
<by> Kk
<by> I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
<by> ?
<by> Now what?
<Seven7> Don't worry. It's done |
#31 (539/1443) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<EM[mMF]> man
<EM[mMF]> unix manuals would be so much cooler
<EM[mMF]> if they had porn in them
<EM[mMF]> like "Basics of the Bash Shell"
<EM[mMF]> <LESBIAN PORN>
<EM[mMF]> i'd read that shit |
#300462 (538/652) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<nlogax> lol.. a guy here at work saw his position being advertised.. and got pissed off
<miketaylr> oops
<ben_alman> like an additional resource, or a replacement?
<nlogax> they haven't said.. he sent in an application :D
<nlogax> and said "if you want to know more i'm just 15m away!"
<ben_alman> he applied for his own job?
<nlogax> yes |
#150316 (538/740) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Jackal>: So I went over to my hippie neighbor's house and asked for a pot holder, he went inside and came out with a sandwich bag...... note to self new best friend. |
#65407 (538/664) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
pastachees: Titanic is really bad
pastachees: the movie anyways
pcat: The boat didn't work so well either |
#61280 (538/686) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<mizore> Gah! Stupid Debian ISO download! 3kbps T_T
<ellipsis> Cancel the download and do it some other time. You're already running Ubuntu, aren't you?
<mizore> I can't cancel now!
<ellipsis> Why not?
<mizore> It's 78% complete!
<ellipsis> so?
<mizore> Well, it's kinda like masturbation, when you reach a certain point, then you just have to keep on going until you finish.
<ellipsis> ...
<ellipsis> ...did...did you just compare downloading linux to masturbation?
<ellipsis> Why are we on the same planet? |
#47782 (537/659) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(TurboDttL) A mate of mine said that he could send files to me faster than ANYONE on the planet (he has something insanely fast)
(TurboDttL) So I said "bring it on"
(TurboDttL) "allright then!" says he
(TurboDttL) I said "I BET you that I can get 100 gig to you faster than you can send it to me!"
(TurboDttL) He started sending stuff over the net
(TurboDttL) I took a 200 gig drive out of my machine and drove to his house.
(TurboDttL) Never underestimate the bandwidth of a car load of mass storage.
(Broxi) hahah cheater |
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..19202122232425..596Next> |
|