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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..18192021222324..596Next> |
#96138 (564/816) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Yuri> parents were fighting, went into the bedroom
<Tw1lk1tr1> make up sex
<Yuri> and i'm assuming they fell asleep since this was 40 minutes ago
<Yuri> no
<Yuri> NO |
#63572 (563/677) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<EnderGT> When I was a kid I went with my dad to his job in facilities for a large company
<EnderGT> They had a bank of diesel-powered generators in their basement - huge 24-cylinder beasts
<EnderGT> On this trip there happened to be a 20 gallon bottle (think old water-cooler bottle) sitting on the floor with about 6 inches of diesel fuel in the bottom
<EnderGT> I inquired as to whether this was a safety hazard - and then watched as a co-worker deliberately struck a match and dropped it in the bottle
<EnderGT> The match fell to the liquid and was extinguished
<EnderGT> As a slightly older youth I attempted to repeat this experiment - only this time with a) a plastic container, b) gasoline, and c) outside on the driveway.
<EnderGT> I think my eyebrows grew back within a week or two |
#63545 (563/933) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<CtrlAltDestroy> Alright, so I was working at Steak n Shake today
<CtrlAltDestroy> There was this new girl
<CtrlAltDestroy> For her break, she wanted a chili 5-way
<CtrlAltDestroy> So we told her to make it herself cuz we were busy
<CtrlAltDestroy> So she goes to make it
<CtrlAltDestroy> And like most n00bs do at least once, she mistook the barbecue sauce for the spaghetti sauce
<CtrlAltDestroy> So she poured barbecue sauce on her 5-way.
<CtrlAltDestroy> I was sitting next to her when she started to eat it...
<CtrlAltDestroy> When she took a bite, she screamed
<CtrlAltDestroy> "OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK, BARBEQUE?" |
#294707 (562/896) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<%Zac378> yo, you guys still playing xbox?
<@tet> I got off but I'll go back on if you want to play
<@tet> wait you have halo 3 right?
<%Zac378> nope, I got xbox pajama pants...not an xbox 360 for xmas -.-
<@tet> that's like giving an Ethiopian a picture of food
<%Zac378> lmao |
#206352 (562/712) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Vesper> msg NickServ IDENTIFY batcock
<StarShade> ...
<StarShade> I am going to assume that was intentional.
<StarShade> ANd that your password isn't really batcock. |
#56642 (562/652) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
@[BONFIRE] just got the best question ever
@[BONFIRE] by some n00b
@[BONFIRE] whos trying to install an old printer
@[BONFIRE] like 15 yo
@[BONFIRE] he doesnt know why it wont work
@[BONFIRE] it keep poping up with "new hardware found"
@[BONFIRE] and he clicks cancel
@[BONFIRE] cause its not new
@[BONFIRE] >_< |
#49491 (562/790) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<xkcd> Guy in line: English should be the national language, these immigrants should have to learn English when they come here.
<xkcd> Girl in line: Yeah
<xkcd> Guy: When you go to live somewhere, you learn the language they speak there. English is the language of the land.
<xkcd> Sarah Mac: (from behind in line) Excuse me, but -- osio sarah dawado.
<xkcd> Guy: What the hell was that?
<xkcd> Sarah: Cherokee. |
#238597 (561/855) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
syberghos : Wives are like video games; they're lots of fun to play with, but it's all over once you beat them. |
#295812 (559/667) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@toastydea> dear lord, i have to have "the talk" with my mom
<@toastydea> about why we can't be friends on facebook |
#61191 (559/673) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<AwwJeah> I want to fill a super soaker with cheap vodka and spray down other drivers.
<AwwJeah> Then call the police and tell them I think they're driving drunk.
<AwwJeah> Because, seriously, who would believe that story? |
#303101 (558/708) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<grent>
<grent>
<grent>
<hitenmaster> You don't say. |
#300220 (558/740) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<BubbaTheLoveSponge> more facial hair talk: tom
<SpaceGeostrategy> Tom's facial hair is basically the reverse Hitler
<@strifeheart> my head nearly exploded when I saw his beard for the first time
<SpaceGeostrategy> he has facial hair everywhere Hitler didn't
<BubbaTheLoveSponge> whats he doing these days
<SpaceGeostrategy> perhaps he is creating 6 million Jews |
#135435 (558/770) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ZALOAWAY> .
<ie|Stacks> good point |
#78733 (557/793) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
*Dravas has quit IRC
<Caprisun> im gonna take a video of me fucking that girl he likes
<PS31791> O_O
<PS31791> that would suck
<PS31791> if i saw that
<PS31791> id be like
*Takumi has joined #main
<PS31791> from now on im gonna be gay
<PS31791> ...
<PS31791> Takumi... i can explain...
<Caprisun> XD |
#213280 (556/742) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Me: we finally got Rock Band
Paul: then why are you talking to me?
Me: my pinky is sore
Paul: heh heh...out of context FTW
Me: and my wife hurt her throat on Bon Jovi |
#31823 (555/731) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ihatestan> god I hate my little brother
<ihatestan> its my mothers birthday and I got her a Amethyst necklace
<ihatestan> than out of no where my brother goes "mom has +3 strengh" |
#138095 (555/709) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Ace_NoOne> I now believe that the Wikipedia folk assassinate people so they can be the first to report their deaths |
#32 (554/1156) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Goemon> you know how they have the /whois command, they should have a /whowas command to see who people were after they quit.
<Spidey> they do, goemon
<Goemon> damn.
<Goemon> my mom must have dropped
<Goemon> me |
#31883 (552/704) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<illkid> can someone help me? i am wanting to use a model in the game, but my model is called pipe.mdl, and the game is looking for pipe2.mdl
<illkid> how can i get it to load the pipe.mdl?
<illkid> are there any renaming applications out there for renaming files? so i can change the pipe.mdl to pipe2.mdl?
<Ez3ki41> did you try jsut renaming hte pipe model to pipe2.mdl
<Khanate> lool
<illkid> i would like to, but where can i find a program to do that?
<Khanate> windows
<illkid> can i get that on kazaa?
<Khanate> ...
<illkid> ok, i found a "windows95" i am going to install that and see if it works..
<Sh1mms> ????
<Sh1mms> wtf |
#120329 (551/783) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<||bass> omg
<||bass> best pictonary game ever
<||bass> I was playing with lenina
<||bass> first she chokes herself and pretends to die
<||bass> then
<||bass> she gives me a handjob and points at my dick
<||bass> you know what i was supposed to guess?
<||bass> "Die Hard"Comment: #nobodysworld on deltaanime
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#62507 (551/713) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
xTedHeadx: GNAAAAHHH CAT ON BACK
xTedHeadx: CATS ARE SHARP |
#57089 (551/787) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Biffa: ..I said "Do you love mummy?" She said yes. I said "Do you love daddy?" She said yes. I said "Do you love me?" She said yes. I thought "aaah bless, how sweet". I was so happy. But I wasn't sure if she meant it, so as a test I said "Do you love Hitler?" She said yes. I thought "Bugger, she'll say yes to anything." But I felt better when I took her home, she showed me her bedroom and it was covered with pictures of Hitler. |
#51022 (551/691) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT
<Strayed> he shot his girlfriend? |
#301631 (550/718) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
[Thrasher]: there needs to be Star Wars themed snacks
[Thrasher]: Chewy granola bars
[Thrasher]: C3PO Henry bars
[Thrasher]: and the moneymaker
[Thrasher]: Han Rolos!!
[Buchwald]: /block
[Buchwald]: /ignore
[Buchwald]: /delete
[Buchwald]: Goddammit one of these has to work
[Buchwald]: /kill
[Thrasher]: come on!! HAN ROLOS!
[Buchwald]: /abort
[Buchwald]: /put up for adoption
[Buchwald]: FUUUUUUUUUUUCK
[Thrasher]: sorry youve heard
[Thrasher]: you laughed
[Thrasher]: and now youll remeber it forever
[Buchwald]: I went to a sushi place last night that offered something called the "That's How I.." roll. And I thought that was the worst pun I'd hear all week. 15 hours later, you top it.
[Thrasher]: haha
[Thrasher]: "Han Rolos!! Share them with your friends...don't be Greedo"
[Thrasher]: too far?
[Buchwald]: I hate to admit it, but that line finally got me to laugh
[Thrasher]: Emperor Pralines: Your feeble powers are no match for the Dark NougatComment: Thrasher continued on for another five minutes
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#159367 (550/686) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<SgnaTriste> I used to give the entries in my Thunderbird address book nicknames like "smartass", "deadhead" or "nincompoop" until I noticed that they're sent along in the TO-header. |
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