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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..16171819202122..596Next> |
#297256 (592/782) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mr_Nobu> So what if Jesus turned water into wine...I turned a whole student loan into Vodka once. Your move Jesus... |
#258093 (592/748) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<The Alchemist> you know
<The Alchemist> wow have been useful for me
<The Alchemist> from time to time, as a wannabe game developer, i feel this urge to make a online game
<The Alchemist> then i check the wow comunity
<The Alchemist> and then i see that if one day i make a online game, will have to deal with those same retards, and the urge goes away |
#253988 (591/761) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Fox> oh yeah, mr little brother got in trouble at his college today, it was pretty funny
<Fox> the first day of a huge lab class and the teacher was trying to introduce himself and be friendly with everyone, and asked "Are there any stories you'd like me to tell about myself?"
<Fox> and my brother wasn't paying attention and half asleep so he said out loud what he was thinking at the time, what he meant to say to himself as a joke
<Fox> "Tell us about the first time you masturbated"
<Fox> he said the teacher turned bleach white, and the girls in the class turned red, the rest were laughing |
#300635 (590/766) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sebas> So my parents have an account on my little brother's laptop so they can use it during the week, when he's not at home. Said account is severely restricted using Parental Control.
<Sebas> Giving an ironic new meaning to the term "Parental control." |
#300279 (590/820) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<kaiser> 9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm insane...
<kaiser> the 10th voice hums the tetris themeComment: #twokinds of nightstar
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#140454 (590/958) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<1moreplz> having sex during a thunderstorm rocks. you can pretent you're taking part in the conception of the antichrist |
#301020 (589/903) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jonukas> hello, hope someone can help me. How with c#, i can make 3.576 to 3.58 ?
<ttvd> if(value == 3.576) value = 3.58;
<ttvd> np! |
#74555 (589/815) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<micksam7> spling isn't back yet
<micksam7> he was suppose to be home today
<micksam7> hm
<micksam7> maybe he needs to be like.. lured or something
<micksam7> like in that pokemon game or whatever. you need to like, put something out to get them to come or something
* micksam7 thinks
* micksam7 ties some toast to a string
* micksam7 sets it on the floor and hides behind a couch 2 feet away
* spling joins #stats
* micksam7 has just caught a spling! |
#310035 (589/619) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ioiom63> I went to the doctor, and I had to fill out these papers, right?
<ioiom63> They must use the same papers for men and women, because I had to fill in whether or not I was pregnant.
<ioiom63> I'm a bit of a dick, so I wrote "You never know!"
<ioiom63> 30 minutes later a nurse is VERY angry with me because they're extremely busy already and I've just made things worse...
<ioiom63> ...because if a patient gives any indication of being unsure whether or not they are pregnant, the staff are legally required to take the time to do a pregnancy test.
<ioiom63> Apparently the rule does not also state "...but only if the patient is female."
<ioiom63> Long story short, I am most definitely NOT pregnant. |
#66618 (588/780) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TheWickerMan> Please learn to read.
<TheWickerMan> Before you call anyone else a moron.
<RobotG> im not a moren
<RobotG> mrono
<RobotG> mrone
<RobotG> monor
<RobotG> mrnor
<RobotG> wops
<TheWickerMan> swing and a miss. |
#71440 (587/801) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<A_SN> lol wtf, from the english "Earth" article on Wikipedia
<A_SN> "It is the largest planet in the world."Comment: http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Earth&oldid=85281232
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#300149 (586/694) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ninjapirate> sometimes i hear "Eye of the tiger" when i'm masturbating.
<ninjapirate> that's how glorious my penis is
<jaban> "so many times it happens too fast"
<jaban> "you must fight just to keep [it] alive"
<jaban> thinking of that part in particular? |
#59269 (586/758) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Brian> I just started playing with my girlfriend last night and I have to say I'm very impressed with the graphics, sounds and overall polish. |
#115 (585/787) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BlackDeth> i like stalked this girl sorta :D
<BlackDeth> like once she asked me for a ride home from work
<BlackDeth> and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house
<BlackDeth> and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived? |
#50118 (584/710) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Epsilon> Trying to find porn on the internet is like trying
to find hay in a haystack. |
#294937 (582/778) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* nobu^ (*@*.*) Quit (Quit: When two people dream the same dream, it ceases to be an illusion.)
<j3_optrix> When two people dream the same dream, it's a pointer error. |
#308634 (581/613) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> NTP Protocol helped me to isolate a plumbing problem in the apartment before the people on site could figure it out.
<asaph> ...what?
<Pryoidain> Well I get this call saying there's a leak in the apartment below me, they need permission to enter to navigate it and solve the problem, so i grant them it. Now I'm swamped, so when things calm down I do the logical thing
<Pryoidain> I checked ishi's NTP Pool Server monitoring page, and pulled up the CSV file to look at epoch times.
<Pryoidain> Last time the server pinged it was like 5 minutes before.
<Pryoidain> From this I knew that the leak could not be from the furnace/ac as that is in the server room (I know I know, but its the coldest room) and if water hit any of the routers or anything or the mains, UPS would have turned off the server.
<Pryoidain> Next I worked back. Can't be in any of the exterior walls, thats where the wires run and the socket for the Main router in the small bedroom is. Server goes through that router.
<Pryoidain> The modem is in the master bedroom, which shares a wall with the bathroom, so I was worried, but if it's still up then no shorts there or anything freaky going on, because, well, NTP responses are still sub millisecond.
<Pryoidain> And finally, It can't be in the kitchen, because for whatever dumbfuck reason the outlets in the kitchen and the server room are the same circuit, and the Garbage disposal outlet is UNDER the pipes and isn't a GFCI (yet) so it would have tripped the breaker killing the server, etc etc.
<Pryoidain> So its the bathroom, internal wall, on the sink or tub.
<Pryoidain> Get home, it was the bathroom sink, leak in the internal wall.
<asaph> ....
<Pryoidain> Yeah, i'm just kinda basking in this right now. |
#300501 (580/728) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<altoid> my cock is as big as snow leopard's :P
<altoid> (i sure hope snow leopards have big cocks now that i said that)
<Dave2> I bet you're the first ever person to say "i sure hope snow leopards have big cocks" |
#48972 (580/792) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<trev0r> we were meant to be handing in our coursework in english today
<trev0r> and this one jackass calls out: 'i didn't do it'
<trev0r> the teacher's mad and, you know, wants an explanation
<trev0r> the jackass simply says: 'i was too busy getting laid to do it last night'
<trev0r> and before i could even process that sentence the teacher fires back:
<trev0r> 'now that we've discussed 10 seconds of your evening, why haven't you done this work?'
<trev0r> now, the class is starting to laugh, but this dude isn't budging
<trev0r> he pauses, then, as the laughing subsides, he gives a wry smile and simply says:
<trev0r> 'you should know, you were there with me, miss...'
<trev0r> the class is gone by now, but the teacher is on fire today
<trev0r> she looks around and says:
<trev0r> 'i know, and i never got paid'
<trev0r> the jackass runs out of the class hiding the tears as the rest of us are in fits |
#47897 (580/736) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<taylor-made> it must of been boring for those people at the superdome
<taylor-made> what could you possibly do while waiting out one of the worst hurricanes to ever make landfall
<bigwoodthing> the wave :)
<taylor-made> i hope you choke and die |
#35690 (579/803) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DiKKy> _________________________________________
<DiKKy> / LOL THE HOLY COW WANTS TO COVER U IN \
<DiKKy> | THE FILTYH STINKING SPERM IT CARRIES IN |
<DiKKy> \ ITS GIGANTIC PENIS /
<DiKKy> -----------------------------------------
<DiKKy> \ ^__^
<DiKKy> \ (oo)\_______
<DiKKy> (__)\ )\/\
<DiKKy> ||----w |
<DiKKy> || ||
<Geoffd1> cows are female, idiot |
#20 (579/1058) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dr_DOS> My fish get scared of pizza boxes.
<Dr_DOS> They think they're giant borg ships or smth
<repp0r> Don't put an anchovie pizza near your fish. |
#88403 (578/760) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<[ka]killer> what if you just took all the servers on the internet and networked them all together....
<[ka]killer> wait...
<[ka]killer> never mind. |
#60376 (578/800) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@timmo> "Adventurer" (in video games) is a euphemism for "Violent kleptomaniac" |
#20078 (578/681) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Silversong> Anybody ever wonder what would happen if we were suddenly flung into a weird dimension and we were all physically in a room together?
<Brentai> I'd have to pull my pants up real quick, most likely. |
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