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#101461 (761/957) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Rendrag> just remember your car actually has to stop at stop signs
<Rendrag> my driving teacher only told me my wheels must stop rotating
<Rendrag> i took her at her word
<Rendrag> and slid it round the corner onto the main street at 60 with all four wheels locked up
<LDM> hahahahahaha, Nice one.
<Rendrag> needless to say i had to sit my test a second time :) |
#86255 (755/905) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
*** Saul has joined #general
<Saul> Man, today was awesome.
<Saul> We all got sent home like 5 hours early because the whole system shorted out and went down.
<kilik> explain.
<Saul> Well, in our office, the doors are always left open because the air con doesnt work.
<Saul> And as a result flies come in from outside.
<Saul> Last year we got some of those electric fly killers installed, you know the ones that glow blue and zap the flies that fly into them?
<Saul> Well today I'm at the watercooler taking a 5-min break.
<Saul> And I swear to God, the biggest bluebottle on the face of the Earth buzzes in.
<Saul> It's like 3 inches long.
<Saul> Goes straight for the zapper and flies into it.
<Saul> The explosion knocked out the power to the entire floor. |
#294563 (754/910) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<sereni> Protip: If you're in elementary school, and you're reading Euclid's Elements of Geometry, do NOT leave your geometric proofs in plain sight of ANYONE.
<sereni> *teachers marauds over to my seat, notices me writing furiously things that are not the required coursework, looks at pile of papers sitting besides me*
<sereni> "...What does 'A cuts B' mean? What is this about lines and meeting places? What are these diagrams for...?"
<sereni> You see, geometry is a pure science, and it also uses a lot of unambiguous terms. As such, a proof could be applicable in any context.
<sereni> I happened to be sent to the principals office as it seemed my innocent proof could be misread to mean that I was not only going to meet up with another kid, but stab him with a knife, doing so in a very precise way, at angles of approach ranging from 20 to 180 degrees, while moving about in various circular paths. |
#301332 (752/942) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
SoccerGirl114: Today, I was having sex with this guy at a party when out of no where he yells at the top of his lungs, "mortal kombat!".
SoccerGirl114: His friends yelled back, "finish her!" |
#86239 (750/860) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Bricker> Hey natpen, we’re trying to come up with some nicknames for Jennings, did you have any?
<natpen> Well, one time we were about to have sex and he was too drunk to get it up. So we laid there awhile and it was pretty awkward. Then, he stood up on the bed with the covers wrapped around his shoulders like a cape, and screamed “I’M BATMAN”. I almost shit myself.
<Bricker> Holy shit, are you fucking serious? Please tell me you’re making that up.
<natpen> No, I’m not. The weird thing is, after he got into the role, he finally got it up, and it was the best sex of my life. So I usually call him batman. |
#35763 (750/892) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<TMH-> Tip of the day: Do not packet sniff your family's internet traffic, you may find out more than you want to know about them. That is all. |
#235178 (749/845) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(Bubbles) diabetes...anemia...depression...alzheimers...is there any shitty disease I'm not going to be predisposed to?
(Alex) well
(Alex) STDs |
#305711 (747/887) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Apathy runs off to sleep
<Apathy> also tell fantasyprone i said "saw that coming!"
<snark> future fantasyprone says to tell you she saw your mom coming last night
<snark> I have a time machine
<snark> and will pass on your message to avoid a paradox
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) has joined #elitists
<snark> fantasyprone: Apathy said to tell you he saw that coming
<fantasyprone> if you see Apathy again, you can tell him I saw his mom coming
<snark> Will do.
* snark hops in a time machine and jumps back a couple of minutes
* snark emerges from the time machine again.
<snark> All done.
<fantasyprone> thanks |
#69646 (746/920) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Jaswinder> I was listening to the radio on the way home
<Jaswinder> And I found this Christian music station, but
<Linka> Yes?
<Linka> =O
<Jaswinder> Some rap station was bleeding into it
<Linka> Gasp.
<Jaswinder> At the most awesome moments
<Linka> That's weird. XDDDDD
<keen> rofl
<Jaswinder> So it was like
<Jaswinder> THANK YOU THANK YOU LORD
<Jaswinder> FOR THE BITCHES |
#32506 (743/875) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<baryon> brb. I need a shower again, I stink
<emo> baryon: remember my advice
<baryon> god you're still here
<emo> you can significantly reduce the sourness of your body odour by refraining from meat eating
<cl4SS> emo fuck up about it. I'm sick of hearing your shit
<emo> I'm just saying
<baryon> emo, that's got nothing to do with it
<emo> baryon: it does actually. Several studies have shown so
<baryon> emo. I helped move four horses today. I am covered in dirt, dust and horse shit
<baryon> I stink because FOUR DAMNED VEGETARIANS SHIT ON ME |
#305221 (741/893) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<sdmkun> tar -xzf merc.tgz what the fuck
<sdmkun> how the fuck do you people remember this shit
<bucketmouse> just think with a german accent
<bucketmouse> XTRACT ZE FILES |
#270129 (740/890) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< Frowardd> this channel, collectively, is alikened to a bundle of burning cigarettes
< Frowardd> ie, full of nicotine and bad for me.
< Frowardd> goodnight
<@relsqui> that was the subtlest way to call us all fags ever
< Selig> relsqui: what was?
<@relsqui> exactly. |
#70455 (737/879) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
[krazy]: i was lost in school today
[krazy]: i couldnt find my class
[krazy]: and guess what the room # was
[dizzy]: ?
[krazy]: 404 |
#283502 (736/862) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< Laura> I used to have a preserved human penis in a jar.
< Laura> It was lost in a move.
< Laura> This made me sad until someone pointed out that that means that SOMEONE moved into a house and found a human penis in a jar.
< Laura> This makes me feel better. |
#54400 (735/865) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<hawk09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<hawk09>yeah.i sent them to her dad |
#301694 (733/905) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Stranger: girl looking for boy to talk dirty
Stranger: interested?
You: o ok
Stranger: you start baby
You: mud
You: dust
You: mold
Your conversational partner has disconnected. |
#295487 (733/871) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<gutupio> My dog has figured out you open the door by turning the handle.
<gutupio> He's trying to open the door now.
<gutupio> I'm afraid his ancestors might be raptors. |
#101024 (733/907) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Catcher> haha
<@Catcher> i just left a note in my sisters weed box-- "Jes, We need to talk. -Mom"
<@var> hahahahahhaa
< wind`> lol
< TMH> hahaha
<@Catcher> shes going to shit her pants for like 2 seconds until she sees the back of the noteComment: #geekissues @ EFNet
|
#15 (728/1250) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<emufreak> I HATE CHANNEL TOPICS
<emufreak> WHY MUST THEY EXIST
<emufreak> AND WHY DO I STILL CLICK THEM WHEN THEY END IN .JPG |
#123732 (725/861) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
zombiegutsxx: so what you up to?
sammahxcore: ah just opened up my trading account
sammahxcore: about to hit up the stock market
zombiegutsxx: ORLY?
zombiegutsxx: why?
sammahxcore: to make money :P
zombiegutsxx: yeah i know but isnt there a lot of risk?
sammahxcore: only if you suck at trading
sammahxcore: and i played pokemon for 4 years so i'm covered |
#294934 (720/872) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<mixster> This is the Internet - telling stupid people not to do stupid things is like telling a deaf person to listen closely |
#75928 (719/957) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Reddman: brain surgery fascinates me
ion: yeah
ion: usually they have to be conscious during it
ion: to help out
ion: "does it tickle when I do this?"
ion: "No, but I hear 'born in the USA' playing"
ion: "OK, I'll remove that one"
ion: "thanks"
Reddman: lmfao
infernalista: LOL |
#126370 (718/840) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<pthree> it came to light the other day that I don't own any clothes that I picked out myself
<pthree> I'm a 28yr old barbie doll for my wife |
#34044 (717/949) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Jyrka> The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. |
#50630 (716/854) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< cosmo_gunny> I was at the market buying food, and I was in the dairy department..
< cosmo_gunny> and there were various Land Of Lakes products.. with a big sign that said "LOL CHEESE"
< cosmo_gunny> and I lost it. |
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