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#310851* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<tieboy> how's things, agent? Kid all growed up yet?
<Agent_Orange> yup. he's sleeping outside now that the weather's good, and the dog's don't hardly bother him none at all
<tieboy> Did you ever have the impulse to sell him on the black market? Be honest.
<Agent_Orange> sell him? no, no no.
<Agent_Orange> lock him in a box for a few hours so I can get a break, sure. |
#310849* (?/5) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<CrzyClmbr> According to a new study, people who have dogs spend less time having a social life.
<jacquilyn> Unless they also have peanut butter - in which case their dogs are their social life. |
#310847* (?/15) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Lore> "Hell," an aged preist once told me, "Is a place where there is lots of wonderful food, but the people are starving, because they have no elbows and can't bend their arms to feed themselves."
<Lore> "And what of Heaven?" I asked. "Heaven," he replied, "is exactly the same. Except they have elbows."
<CrazyClimber> but they could feed each other in hell
<Lore> No, there's a bunch of demons with whips that smack them around if they try that. What, you think after thousands of years of starvation they didn't think of that?
<zompist> wait, if heaven is exactly the same except for the elbows, then there are demons with whips in heaven too.
<Lore> Uh.
<Lore> LOOK A FIRE ENGINE! |
#310846* (?/9) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Lore> I like to be a sub-contractor.
<CrazyClimber> dru's one now too
<Lore> She's a sub-employee. That's worse. To begin with, she has to wear a uniform.
<Lore> I get most of my work done wearing nothing but a tattered pair of Powerpuff Girls boxer shorts.
<CrazyClimber> sounds like a uniform to me
<Lore> Only when I also put on the epaulets. |
#310845* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Kyol> Heh. Turns out coworker if a Deer God. His cart was _yet_again_ rammed by a deer.
<Kyol> He doesn't hit the deer, the deer hit him. This is the 4th time.
<Lore> Didn't Einstein prove that the deer hitting the cart is the equivalent of the cart hitting the deer?
<Lore> I'm not buying this anyway. "The deer hit me" is worse that "I was just holding the cocaine for someone else."
<mdxi> unless the deer runs into the side of the car as it goes by
<mdxi> i know two people that has happened to
<mdxi> you get a nice dent in the side and a bloodsmear trailing out behind it
<Lore> That just means they can't aim good.
<tieboy> sounds like my last date |
#310840* (?/7) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<hockeyfag> bacon is nice.. bacon is friendly.. bacon won't leave you like a cheep whore in the middle of the night... bacon won't fuck your best friend while you're downstairs within earshot.. bacon is nice..
<TheEnigma> Bacon will listen to you when you need a friendly ear, dammit. Nevermind that bacon is without ears. This is unimportant. |
#310839* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<maime> For those of you who are not aware, Samhuinn is my pal from something like 50 net years ago.
<xsamhuinnx> something like that
<Elkman> Ah. How long is a net year?
<rJak> Two weeks.
<maime> I was thinking about three weeks.
<rJak> So this whole conversation has taken place for two net days.
<maime> I guess we've known each other for what? four years?
<rJak> No, maybe two net weeks.
<xsamhuinnx> damn near m'dear
<maime> and you're all adult and old now. It's so cute.
<maime> got a recent pic? |
#310838* (?/5) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<tieboy> i'll do that in a sex
<tieboy> sec
<tieboy> or sex
<zompist> HAHA YOU TYPED SEX FOR SEC
<Lots42> It's easy to do
<Lots42> TIE WANTS SEX
<Elkman> Freudian slips abound.
<tieboy> i'll do it in a boner - I mean moist hole -- er, moment!
<tieboy> that was a dripping love spear - I mean, mistake
<Lots42> Tie made a cock up
<KemloCaesar> don't use dirty words, Lots.
<KemloCaesar> Tie *committed* a cock up. |
#310837* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<tieboy> porn stars usually are spreading things or having things inserted into them
<zompist> well, YOUR porn stars
<Elkman> What are your porn stars doing, zomp?
<zompist> i like pictures of nude women studying exotic languages
<Lots42> Mine do laundry and rake leaves. |
#310836* (?/4) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<maime> I tried to be on the Junior Court when I was 10. I failed so miserably.
<maime> They asked who you admired and wanted to be like when you grew up. I said "ET" |
#310835* (?/7) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Dodge> No one on earth has attractive genitals
<Dodge> Have you ever seen genitals and said, "Hey, nice looking genitals you've got there!"
<Dodge> No. You haven't. Because they are not nice looking.
<sol-D> they get the job done, DAMNIT
<Dodge> I'm not dissin' their function or performance....just their appearance.
<Dodge> Especially females. Looks like some kinda high school bio class bi-valve lab experiment.
<mdxi> let's not even get into how silly penises are
<mdxi> HEY BABY, ISNT THIS SEXY?
<mdxi> uhh...no
<sol-D> "God, would you put that AWAY for once?"
<Leth> "Geez Dad, not again!" |
#310834* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<DML> I just got out of dealing with a furry separatist on e-mail, and that's why it's peeving me
<Lots42> I fear to ask what seperatist means in this context
<rJak> Shaved. |
#310833* (?/5) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<MisterQ> If theres anything I learned from Warcraft II is that the Orcs all have submarines. |
#310832* (?/10) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Morwen> heh, i just got an email off my trek site from some guy in Waukesha hitting on me. He even left me his cell phone number. hehe Says he's got a car that goes warp speed. :giggle:
<raven> because nothing turns a woman on more than Trek references.
<Leth> The problem is he's probably one of those types that can't let go when it's over. Y'know, a real Klingon
* raven doesn't have to energy to op over that right now, but consider yourself glared at.
<CrazyClimber> meet up with him and wear a red shirt, tell him he's got 60 minutes to save your life |
#310831* (?/10) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<CrazyClimber> though a coworker recently noted that the group from the first layoff are just about to lose their unemployment bennies
<rJak> By bennies, you mean benefits or drugs?
<CrazyClimber> there are unemployment drugs?
<SeanQ> he means violin-playing talk show hosts. deceased ones
<CrazyClimber> keep stretching, sean
<SeanQ> c'mon, i bet that was hysterical to someone your age |
#310830* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<zompist> hmm, ralph nader says 9/11 would never have happened if he were president
<Samwise> If if's and but's were candy and nuts, ... something something.
<rJak> If it's and but's were candy and nuts, he would be a fruitcake? |
#310829* (?/3) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<ristoril> frey's a mrs?
<Freyja> indeed
<Kyol> Yeah, haven't you seen the pictures?
<SeanQ> come to think of it, I haven't
<rJak> Worksafe, right?
<CrazyClimber> worksafe wedding pictures? what kind of dreamer are you?
<rJak> Oh...it was one of THOSE weddings?
<Freyja> oh yes, very sleazy. The bride wore a denim mini skirt. Seriously.
<rJak> Oh...a Las Vegas Trailer Park wedding or more of a Hippie Commune In The Oregon Forest weddings?
<Freyja> no, it was the special INS Fairy Tale "Get Married or Never go Home Again" wedding package
<Kyol> Wait, you were just running away from the fire you started, weren't you? |
#310825* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<jacquilynne> Shit. Shit. Shit. My mother's taken my father to the hospital and all my uncle can tell me is that 'there's blood everywhere'.
<tieboy> agh
<spinn> that's not a lot of useful information
<tieboy> he just had surgery, right? did a suture break maybe?
<Machival> where is all the blood? like, at their house? at the hospital?
<jacquilynne> I dunno. my uncle is a bit retarded. Getting him to tell me there's blood everywhere is probably the most words he's spoken in a week.
<jacquilynne> Now he just keeps repeating that they went to the hospital awhile ago.
<tieboy> like, he's genuinely retarded?
<jacquilynne> Not massively so, but yes.
<tieboy> oh. well, i'm sure your dad will be okay
<tieboy> if your mom took him and didn't call an ambulance, it can't be way serious or anything
<spinn> blood everywhere could mean a small cut on the head or something. head cuts bleed to look a lot worse than they are
<rJak> Especially along the scalp line.
<jacquilynne> I'm sure it must be related to the surgery.
<tieboy> plus tards tend to exaggerate things by a factor of ten
<rJak> .....
<Maus> ...I approve
<Machival> not like it isn't true or anything.
<tieboy> Well, I was was trying to be NICE about it. |
#310824* (?/7) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
< wushin> The current monitoring software called "The Players" works good enough.Comment: #themanaworld
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#310823* (?/11) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<@Aoi-chan> honestly I'm fine with black Helvetica against white
<@Aoi-chan> but the kerning is against the Geneva convention I'm sure
<@Aoi-chan> no one will get that jokeComment: #raspberryheaven
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#310822* (?/7) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<adamster> Worst thing ever just happened to me.
<adamster> Had to burp and sneeze at the same time.
<arruss> you had to write perl?
<arruss> oh
<adamster> I didn't sneeze, but I burped with the force of a sneeze.
<adamster> I don't think I'm ever going to be the same again
<waleedk> same thing happens after writing Perl |
#310820* (?/5) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<+thero> clockwork: no one actually gave a shit here about what happened
<+clockwork> thero, ohgeetee- did
<+normod> fuck you thero
<+normod> I am too
<+normod> or do, possibly |
#310819* (?/2) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
< scgtrp> solemnwarning: provide amusement
< solemnwarning> scgtrp: Britain
< scgtrp> ...?
< solemnwarning> Oh. It's not funny from the outside? |
#310818* (?/4) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<BOOZy>| not sure if I want to laugh or cry;
<BOOZy>| just got off the phone, a client complains he's not receiving an excel file
<BOOZy>| so I check the spamfilter
<BOOZy>| and low and behold, the sender is trying to send a .exe file
<BOOZy>| exe, excel, the same right? |
#310816* (?/5) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<alpaca> should i order chinese or pizza for lunch??
<azk> Yes. |
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