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AllBestWeekMonthRandom<Prev1..78910111213..313Next> |
#302475* (?/12) ⚐Flag
<Natalie> I really hate the way Gulliver's Travels has, over time, been "recreated" into a story for children. I'd like to see those people try that with A Modest Proposal... |
#295889* (?/12) ⚐Flag
* [1]Gr33n3gg is hungry
<[1]Gr33n3gg> shit
<[1]Gr33n3gg> wrong chan
<[1]Gr33n3gg> oh well
<[1]Gr33n3gg> i got the message out. |
#261563* (?/25) ⚐Flag
NoOneWord:taking off my pants won't hurt, right?
ShimiKiah:errrrr ahh
ShimiKiah:certainly not...
NoOneWord:well dont have anything else to take off.... so...
NoOneWord:suppose there's nothing left. oh well. it's been good helpin ya!
ShimiKiah:if thats your idea of help, perhaps you should work for the government |
#309168* (?/25) ⚐Flag
<taktoa> for architects, yeah
<taktoa> but for general use?
<taktoa> hell no
<Arcitct> Well yes for me.
<Arcitct> I'm on my way to being an architect.
<taktoa> I can tell
<Arcitct> Oh?
<taktoa> username?
<Arcitct> Hah.
<taktoa> Arcitct = architect
<taktoa> I assume
<Arcitct> The person at the DMV did not get it.
<Arcitct> But you assume correctly.
<taktoa> why would you tell the person at the DMV your IRC handle?
<Arcitct> It's my license plate.
<taktoa> I can't argue with that.
<taktoa> I really can't.Comment: #the-construct on TribalWar
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#307799* (?/29) ⚐Flag
* Pikey targets Celti's kidneys with a punch
<Pikey> .roll 3d
<LadyLuck> Pikey: 3d6: 11 [5, 3, 3]
* Pikey misses
<Pikey> Damn
* Celti targets Pikey's solar plexus with a kick.
<Celti> .roll 3d
<LadyLuck> Celti: 3d6: 9 [1, 4, 4]
<Celti> Barely missed.
* Pikey decides just to backhand Celti
<Pikey> .roll 3d
<LadyLuck> Pikey: 3d6: 9 [3, 5, 1]
* Celti targets Pikey with an unaimed kick.
-!- Pikey was kicked from #heimdall by Celti [Pikey]
<Celti> CRITICAL HIT |
#306841* (?/29) ⚐Flag
<rakaur> so, some crazy bitch tried to follow us just now
<rakaur> it was a bad intersection
<rakaur> and we had to sort of pull out into a turn lane
<rakaur> and the lady in the lane over freaked
<rakaur> even though we weren't going to hit her
<rakaur> and she laid on the horn
<rakaur> and pulled up next to us
<rakaur> and started screaming
<rakaur> and we were like "k"
<rakaur> and drove off
<rakaur> and the bitch followed us
<rakaur> for like 5 miles
<rakaur> to target
<rakaur> and she whips up next to us
<rakaur> so, me being me
<rakaur> i get out all crazy assed
<rakaur> and start screaming "BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU DOING? YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS TO FOLLOW STRANGERS? I COULD BE A FUCKING DRUG DEALER OR A FUCKING MOBSTER OR SOMETHING YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH"
<rakaur> she was like "WELL"
<rakaur> and i kept going
<rakaur> and i'm like I COULD HAVE A FUCKING GUN YOU LUNATIC
<rakaur> YOU HAVE A FUCKING KID IN THE FUCKING CAR
<rakaur> GET A FUCKING JOB
<rakaur> and she drove off
<rakaur> she was an 18-25 year old white girl on a college campus
<rakaur> and i'm like
<rakaur> jumping up and down
<rakaur> going insane
<rakaur> and i have my toe shoes on
<rakaur> i guess she was like "god.. what the fuck is with this crazy fucker" and gave up
<rakaur> followed us for 5 miles just to be scared off by me being nutty |
#295005* (?/29) ⚐Flag
BayTP: I sw this gilr today! ass and legs perfect. And the tits! I'd do her on th spot
Nelya: Are you drunk?
Pyro: Yeah, howd ya know?
Milena: I don't see any other reason you'd say that to your girlfriend |
#294494* (?/29) ⚐Flag
<Buck> people who mail me random "funny" attachments annoy me
<Buck> luckily, they are the very people likely to open up a virus attachment sent to them from an anonymous domain |
#303004* (?/61) ⚐Flag
<+Shumuu|away> well, eric got 'raided' by the police about 2 hours ago
<@TSND-hell> 'raided'? Are there different types?
<+Shumuu|away> very funny actually. party wound down and it was just me and him left
<+Shumuu|away> so we rolled a blunt and went to the back yard to just chill out
<@TSND-hell> Leave it to stoners to getting high while people get busted
<+Shumuu|away> yea, anyways we were sitting there for about 20 mins. rolled another j
<+Shumuu|away> when we start hearing steps and talking etc surrounding his little fence
<+Shumuu|away> so we just stayed quiet, stoned not sure wtf it was then we start hearing talking
<+Shumuu|away> 'ok, when entry team goes in the front we move past this fence and get anyone trying to run out the back'
<+Shumuu|away> 'shit is he sitting right there? can he hear us?
<+Shumuu|away> eric: 'Fine morning officers' 'shit he did hear us' eric: 'Want me to put my hands up now?'
<+Shumuu|away> 'that would be great' 'oh also come over and unlock this gate'
<+Shumuu|away> so the cops come in, arrest hinm quietly calmly all the good shit and im still sitting there with a joint in my hand wondering wtf is going on
<+Shumuu|away> cop comes up to me 'that some weed you smoking?' me: 'Im not sure what you're talking about me and my friend had just walked outside when you guys called for us to put our hands up'
<+Shumuu|away> cop 'that would be best for us if we could say it exactly that way' me: 'so this isnt a joint in my hand?'
<+Shumuu|away> cop 'what joint?'. it was a fairly interesting raid.. would rather they kicked in some doors or some shit
<+Shumuu|away> so while the cops were off doing w/e i was taking baby hits off the j then finally tossed it once i seen what my guess is the front door entry team walking around the side of the house
<@TSND-hell> What happened to you? Why are you still here and not arrested?
<+Shumuu|away> well its not a crime to be around people that do. they did the whole police check on me then told me to scram
<+Shumuu|away> and not to come back anytime soon.
<@TSND-hell> Only stoners get these type of stories, so what are you doing the rest of the day?
<+Shumuu|away> getting stoned some more that shit was funny as hell
<@TSND-hell> and then us nerds get to hear of all these escapades online.. It's as if I can now say I was at a place that was raided. Ty might get the ladies
<+Shumuu|away> bahahahaha you would have to go out and talk to women. |
#302023* (?/57) ⚐Flag
<JimBastard_> i couldnt find my belt this morning and the top button on my clean jeans popped off. im wearing iphone buds as a belt today |
#311139* (?/34) ⚐Flag
<exio4> between Java, PHP and C#, I would go to C#
<TCH1> exio4: between Java, PHP and c# i would go for a janitor job :P
<exio4> lol
<DarkUranium> TCH1, LOL
<MinceR> lol
<TCH1> why
<TCH1> the toilets contains less shit than these |
#304775* (?/33) ⚐Flag
<~Tom> lol I can just imagine the google-machine takeover of the world.
<Tec> It would be the most polite world takeover.
<~Tom> Sure it'd be oppressive, but it'd also somehow be really helpful at the same time.
<Tec> I'm sorry that we're locking you in your house. Would you like to know the lyrics to They Might Be Giant's Birdhouse in Your Soul?
<~Tom> We're sorry you're being beaten. Here's a list of medication that might alleviate the pain! |
#300328* (?/33) ⚐Flag
* SwineFlu is now known as H1N1 |
#308350* (?/33) ⚐Flag
sandwich: i had sex with him
kitty: was this before or after cookies
sandwich: LOL after
kitty: did you barf on his dick
sandwich: NO
sandwich: NO I DIDNT
kitty: oh ok
sandwich: ive done that before though
kitty: WAIT
kitty: WAIT
kitty: BACK UP THE TRAIN |
#309090* (?/33) ⚐Flag
<danh> interviewing a fat guy
<danh> do we hire him
<pbuckley> does he have a beard?
<danh> nope
<pbuckley> then no |
#275608* (?/53) ⚐Flag
<chi> get him spacejunk
<spacejunk> OK
*** mode/#penguinslair [+b *!*@zentoo.cc] by spacejunk
*** chi was kicked from #penguinslair by spacejunk [we get it, you're whiny.]
<segin> Trying to see if it was a good thing to do server-side pages in Tcl
<spacejunk> :D
* segin hides |
#223705* (?/48) ⚐Flag
<foobaz> i graduated and am trying to find my first real job in years
<qdc> foobaz - what kind of job you looking for
<Cyrius> chicken sexer
<qdc> doesnt that take years of training?
<Cyrius> not the way foo wants to do it |
#304190* (?/49) ⚐Flag
<+TheAlmightyDuck> You are connecting from the City of Tacoma free wifi. We have received a lot of abuse from this host, and due to that, it is in our blacklist. You will have to connect from a different isp in order to connect to our network.
<+TheAlmightyDuck> THIS IS NOT FREE WIFI
<@Nuk3d> XD
<@peer> I kinda like how their suggestion is use a different ISP
<@peer> like everyone just has a big long list of them lying around the house
<@Nuk3d> yeah
<+TheAlmightyDuck> ikr
<@peer> thats like a doctor walking up to you and saying, "youre dying, use a different heart."Comment: GeekShed blacklisted my city on their network
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#309254* (?/45) ⚐Flag
<+RMD> okay so
<+RMD> i went to the mall after lunch with lauren
<+RMD> and i went into hot topic thinking they might have some kind of doctor who stuff
<+RMD> so i waded through the wiz khalifa this and the dubstep that and the fucking meme shirts
<+RMD> so one fo the guys that works there comes up and asks me if there's anything he can help find
<+RMD> i tell him i'm looking for doctor who stuff and he points me towards the front of the store
<+RMD> and it's in this corner, past a whole bunch of my little pony shit
<+RMD> so i go past and i'm lookign through the doctor whos tuff
<+RMD> and allt he pony shit is made for men, by the way,l not one part of it is feminine cut or anything
<+RMD> and the guy comes back and asks if i'm finding everything okay
<+RMD> and i say yeah jsut to get him to fuck off because i need to get out of there and intot he mens room asap
<+RMD> and the guy says you know we've got all the new friendship is magic stuff
<+RMD> and i miheard him the first time so i look up and go wut
<+RMD> and he points to the brony stuff
<+RMD> and i said i'm nto a brony and i go back to the DW stuff
<+RMD> and he says oh come on man, don't you believe in love and friendship?
<+RMD> so i said no, i'm not a brony, i don't watch my little pony or any fo that
<+RMD> and he starts talking abotu the only peopel that don't are peopel that haven't tried it yet and he started to go on abotu something else
<+RMD> and i figured i'd just fart to get him out of there because i thought i had a big one on my rectum
<+RMD> so i do
<+RMD> and it's not all fart
<+RMD> and so i pushed too hard and i splattered in my shorts
<+RMD> and the guy's expression jsut shifted
<+RMD> and he goes
<+RMD> "dude did you jsut shit"
<+RMD> and i jsut glared at him
<+RMD> dude took off and called security
<+RMD> i told the security guys that eh was making unbecoming advances towards me
<+RMD> and he just goes THAT GUY TOOK A SHIT OVER THERE
<+RMD> anyways
<+RMD> i'm not supposed to go back to that mall for 30 daysComment: irc.420chan.org #420chan
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#308209* (?/41) ⚐Flag
Mr. Richard: just taught my little brother that he can lie about his age on the internet
Mr. Richard: he is growing up so fastComment: reddit steam chat
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#306866* (?/37) ⚐Flag
<geck> can we start a glue factory, invite little girls over to pet a horse then give them a bottle of glue?
<Dr_Obvious> yes |
#301867* (?/83) ⚐Flag
<archtech> php-bot's asking me not to say shit
<archtech> shit, sorry
* ChanServ gives channel operator status to php-bot
<php-bot> archtech has been muted for 30 minutes to prevent profanity abuse.
* php-bot sets mode +q ##php archtech!*@*
* php-bot removes channel operator status from php-bot
--- 30 minutes later.... ---
* ChanServ gives channel operator status to php-bot
* php-bot sets mode -q ##php archtech!*@*
* php-bot removes channel operator status from php-bot
<archtech> Sweet
<archtech> Shit that took forever
<archtech> (I was banned by php-bot for saying shit too many times)
<archtech> Wait... shit
* ChanServ gives channel operator status to php-bot
<php-bot> archtech has been muted for 30 minutes to prevent profanity abuse.
* php-bot sets mode +q ##php archtech!*@*
* php-bot removes channel operator status from php-botComment: ##php @ freenode
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#301805* (?/60) ⚐Flag
Motley: so I must be pretty damn high
Phil: yeah?
Motley: I was looking at myself in the mirror of my dorm's shared bathroom
Motley: and this guy walks up and goes "how you feelin'?"
Motley: I looked at him for a second looked back at the mirror
Motley: and then I said what I truly believe is the greatest stoner line ever:
Motley: "I feel like I'm looking at myself from the other side of the mirror."
Motley: he stared at my reflection for about ten seconds and then just stopped sucking my dick and walked away
Phil: what? he sucked your dick?
Motley: either that or none of this really happened and I'm just high... you decide
Phil: o_o |
#307464* (?/56) ⚐Flag
<+Toppers> Deep down in my heart, I think I love pizza more than blowjobs. |
#302543* (?/16) ⚐Flag
<Fax> so I was playing Half-Life 2 Ep 1 the other day
<Fax> and there's this bit where you have to escort citizens across what amounts to a deathtrap maze
<Fax> and of course i run out of freaking everything. No grenades, no shells, no bullets, nothing
<Fax> so I pull out my crowbar and charge, hoping that somehow I can kill one of the combine, grab his smg ammo, and survive
<Fax> this doesn't happen, because I get an RPG to the forehead
<Fax> however (and the point of the story)
<Fax> one of the citizens I was protecting says, as I die
<Fax> "Dibs on his crowbar!"
<Fax> All I coul think was "wtf, citizen dude. wtf." |